one handed high five

Re-beginning

2012-01-29T22:34:00.000-08:00

Oh hey look: I'm back. Back at training and in the I Ho Chaun. It feels...proper. Walking into Silent River in December was a visceral reminder of what I have missed over the past year. So now holding a spear is like coming home.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Sifu Robertson: errant black belt based out of Vancouver. I'm currently working on my Master's in Philosophy with an eye on academia. I drink too much coffee.

Unlike everyone else on the team, I don't have much to say about the banquet on account of not being there. But congratulations to the new Sifus and a happy new year to everyone.

I'm not going to talk much about my first week, I'd rather just post my requirements and not take up too much space. Suffice to say it's going well. I've been (more or less) sticking to my requirements since the beginning of January, but as the semester wears on my patience will be tried. Starting Muay Thai is helping to maintain my focus: being in a class environment does wonders. Anyways, onto the list. Expect more in this coming week.

UBBT 9: TEST HARDER
Core Requirements
No quitting!
I should hope so.
50,000 pushups and situps
Situps can be different variations to maximize impactJournal once a week
1000 reps of Mlong Kuen and an original Spear form
Initially some reps will include piecing together the original form.
1609 Km of biking/running/equivalent
Record 1000 acts of kindness
Bah humbug. I intend to be very mindful of this. I strive to be kind and stick to my moral convictions, but I'm also not a particularly pleasant person. I want to record actual kindness, not simply the veneer of sociability.
Mend a relationship
This may be a tough one. Most relationships that are broken are for a reason. But it is an important step to take.
Maintain an online presence
This will be vital for me. I'll talk about it more later, but I recognize that staying connected with the school is the key to my training.
Memorize and recite Mastery
Participate in SRKF Projects
While I can't directly participate in something like the kwoon maintenance, I intend to help out with logistics and similar manners.
Grading day and a public performance at the 2013 Chinese New Year

Additional Requirements
224 reps of other forms
Obviously I simply can't only do my core forms. I have a rotating list of 2-3 forms (including the core weapon forms) which I will do every day.
365 teps of Tai Chi This translates to 1 or 2 sections of the long form per day.
85% attendance in Muay Thai
Part of my training this year will include training in another martial art to help me stay focused, but one that will also not interfere with my Kung Fu. A style like Muay Thai is ideal, as it will provide me with much practice in my core skills. Therefore, I should probably go.
365 hours of personal intellectual growth
The bulk of this will be reading: including philosophy which is relevant to my personal interests/projects and fiction I find particularly stirring or interesting. I expect this to be around 2 or 3 books a week. Furthermore, some of this will include writing or revising papers which are wholly original philosophy. To me, this is the most important of my personal requirements; my development as a thinker is equally important to me as my growth as a martial artist.
Write at least 2 professional level papers
It should come at no surprise that trying to philosophize at the professional level is very difficult, especially considering I'm just starting out. But I want to write at least 2 papers this year which engage in current conversations and have been given the amount of research and thought expected of real philosophy. One of these can (and probably will be) my 'professional project' that is already a part of my program.
200 hours of writing
Turns out if you work at something it gets finished. Which brings me too...
Finish the book
Writing it, not reading.
Volunteer once a week
As I can't directly take part in community projects of Silent River's, I should maintain a constant community involvement.
Don't sacrifice quality of teaching
As a T.A. it can be easy to slack. I've noticed plenty of people who do. But my commitment to excellent teaching this semester clearly had an impact: the average of my sections was slightly higher and I had several students thank me once the class was done. It would be too easy to skim when marking or not adequately prepare for tutorial. I don't intend to do that.
Develop a basic grasp of another language
This won't start until the summer. It will probably be German. Once I actually start learning, I intend to update this with more specific, daily requirements.

So there it is. Let's see what happens.
Sifu Robertson

absent without going anywhere

2010-09-29T11:59:00.001-07:00

no excuses over here.

MY FATHER BLEEDS HISTORY

2010-08-23T11:16:00.000-07:00

History, or at least historical consciousness,is a terrible gravity. My mind reaches back and sees this thing, this weight called capital H History. Thousands of events, millions of lives. That one crossing of the Rubicon we call important. The founding of countries. The Holocaust and the Trail of Tears. And I hit a blank. I can't really conceive of these. I suffocate under it all.

The millions of things happening right now and the paths we've all taken.

How can I possibly imagine what is what like to be a Tutsi in 1994 Rwanada, to be butchered by my neighbours? How can anyone who was even there truly appreciate the scope of it? I try think of mass graves and 800,000 dead people but I just can't. It's too much, my brain shuts down. The complexity of the lives in front of me is already dizzying enough. Grafting that reality onto everyone? To function in the day to day is to ignore the true implications of our shared experiences.

I can't come to terms with our species. I can't grapple with our history, and I can't stand up to our pasts.

titles are for chumps

2010-08-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

This. Go watch this.

It's a movie called The King of Kong: a Fistful of Quarters. It's about Steve Wiebe's quest to set the world record for the highest score in the original 1981 Donkey Kong game and his rival, Billy Mitchell's attempts to keep his score on top. It's also about the culture of competitive retro gaming.

The best thing about this movie is Billy Mitchell, the then current record holder. He's ridiculous, and so arrogant. His USA ties are also great.

Secondly, though, is how good these people are. They develop intense strategies and techniques to boost their score, all under the watchful eye of Twin Galaxies, the referee organization of this world. We talk about excellence all the time in the martial arts. Well here's a handful of people who are the absolute best in the world at what they do. They devote countless hours to it, shaping their lives around this passion.

And there is absolutely not practical value to this skill.

That's what makes me respect these two guys all the more. They're playing Donkey Kong because they want to. They're amazing at it because they decided to be. Mario is the original ubermensch.

nearly made it the whole way

2010-07-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

Missed last week, sorry!

So this will be the first year since about 2002 that I'm missing out on the annual kwoon maintenance. I'm disappointed for two reasons. Firstly, this year involves smashing things. I enjoy that.

Secondly is the sense of ownership I get out of helping out. When I'm actually shaping the place I train in it's a nice reminder of the work I've put into it that doesn't show. I've long since realized, especially after moving away, that a school adds a tremendous amount to my training, and silent river especially gives kung fu a home. So I'll miss that reminder this year, but I'll be thinking about what else I'm missing too.

That being said, I hate painting.

this is not the future

2010-07-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

So I like terrible things. Especially on the rare occasions I watch tv, it's Jersey Shore or American Gladiators.

I want to describe it as applied nihilism: staring head on into the headlights. This culture is a truck barreling down on me, so I get a giddy thrill seeing how bad it truly is.

Have you seen Snooki from the Jersey Shore? Seen what kind of person she is, or is at least portrayed to be? And how about the guy who has a nickname for himself and his abs (weirdly, it's the same one: 'the situation'). These are ideals I'm up against, a sort of half cocked vomit of the celebrity industry. Thousands of dollars spent on a dress or a hat to be worn once.

PEOPLE LIKE THIS EXIST, AND THEY ARE ALL AROUND YOU.

internet failures

2010-06-27T22:04:00.000-07:00

oh man, i have nothing to talk about this week.

sled island this week. hello calgary.
then hello edmonton. yup!

regrettable cooking with graham robertson

2010-06-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

Some of the worst decisions are made in broad daylight, simply because you know other people are up to something better.

Take the contents of your fridge. In this case:
half a can of refried beans
some veggie hot dogs
salsa
crackers

Cut up the hot dogs and add them to the beans. Add a little bit too much salsa. Microwave. Garnish with broken up crackers whilst coming the grips with the kind of person you now are.

car mosh

2010-05-31T14:58:00.000-07:00

A late post, but worth talking about. This post will be boring/obvious for my friends but hopefully everyone else gets a glimpse into my life.

I went to Rainfest this weekend: a three day long hardcore fest in Seattle. I got to see some bands I'm extremely stoked on and hang out with many cool people. Plus I ate a vegan calzone at Vegan Pizza Pi, which was next level delicious.

Hardcore, as a community (and I'm using that word tentatively) has many problems. The largest being that there are quite a few guys who only like it because they think it's hard and that moshing somehow makes them tough. I am annoyed enough with macho posturing in mainstream culture, I don't need it at shows. There are other issues too.

But by and large, hardcore is full of excellent dudes and ladies. It's not every day you get to see hundreds of people screaming and flailing wildly to incredibly heavy music, then later happily singing along to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song when it comes on the PA.

I got to meet some of my favourite artists not as a fan, but as a peer. They were just people hanging out. Al Brown, vocalist of Dangers, is a man I greatly respect. I love that band and have learned so much from their music. We argued about whether hot drinks are worth it. There is no separation between fan and musician, no barrier of security guards and business. We're all just stoked to be there and that's that.

Some singers of bands called out the crowd on their everyday hypocrisies. Others encouraged us, reminding that this didn't have to be a phase. I saw and met people in their late 30s and 40s who were still playing in bands and keeping to their ideals. It was hundreds of people gathering together because we're angry, because from this music comes catharsis, togetherness and joy.

So keep your Justin Bieber and Nickleback. This music doesn't make money. It's flawed and I often hate it but punk and hardcore is special because it's ours. It's the music of the weirdos and cynics. As Minor Threat played it all those years ago, we're out of step with the world.

It's only music, yes. But it's music worth believing in.

sarcasm much?

2010-05-17T10:52:00.000-07:00

According to the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, nuclear arms are dangerous to international relations and human existence in general. In short, they're bad and signatories of the treaty agree to disarm.

Oh, unless you're the government of France, China, the UK, Russia or the United States (who also the five permanent members of the UN security council. surprise!). Then it's fine. Really, just hold onto them. Those ~1000 actively deployed nuclear warheads of China or the 5,113 the US has, that's fine. Because we all know that all of those countries are never wrong or wage any horrific, unjust wars.

Also, Israel can apparently just do what it wants, being such a strategic ally of the US. And Pakistan is allowed to test nowadays because it's important to the war in Afghanistan. But if a strategically unimportant nation decides to develop weapons, especially if it's not full of white people, then watch out. That's what the schisms with North Korea and Iran are about. Apparently the evil empires are the ones with nuclear weapons. Even one. But not 5,113--that's a number bristling with freedom.

...

I have heard the justification that we (we apparently being the rich people) need such weapons to maintain the delicate balance of power between less than friendly nations--such as the US and China. But such huge stockpiles are also useful as a deterrent. No one would dare attack those nations while they hold the trump card. As a result, they act as a worldwide protection against others developing nuclear arms. You know what I say to that?

Those five nations have some of the bloodiest and most manipulative records in the last 50 years. They support brutal dictatorships for strategic or business interests, wage proxy wars against each other and, most chillingly, are willing to use said nuclear or atomic weapons, often on civilian targets as in the case of Hiroshima or Nagasaki. This is clearly a case of might makes right. The governments with the biggest guns are trying to rewrite history and shape perceptions that they are somehow the shining white knights. Well, I'm more scared of those five countries than anything Iran can put together.

Oh, and enjoy the 1.03 TRILLION DOLLARS the US is spending on the military this year. I feel the world becoming safer as we speak.

dear abbey has nothing on me, besides syndication...and heteronormativity

2010-05-08T13:08:00.000-07:00

You know what annoys me? Well, a lot of things actually.

...

But let's stay focused. There's a tradition in pop culture (especially movies and comics) of the nerdy guy or girl who is in love with the popular, good looking cheerleader/quarterback/whatever. Usual this will take place in a high school, sometimes not. It's everywhere. From Taylor Swift to Spider-Man. Especially in the case of the nerdy guy, ms. pedestal will stick up for him when her jock boyfriend makes fun of him. It's twu luv--all the nerd has to do is gain superpowers, be good at football or get a makeover (in some cases, just taking off her glasses). Well I call shenanigans.

Ok, we all know it's a stupid plot. The outcast has to somehow prove his or her worth in some idiotic contest, treating their crush like some sort of prize. Added to that is in the case of the girl outcast the contest is nearly always getting hot (oh hey, look: misogyny!) and for the boy it usually involves sports. While it's a pretty obvious symptom of the status seeking, patriarchal aspects of our culture, it's hardly alone. Most of pop culture is a monument to those things, after all.

No, my particular beef today is with the nerdy outcasts, speaking as one of your own: why do you want mr or ms. pedestal in the first place?
Usually it's because they're really attractive and show a basic level of kindness towards the protagonist. Oh! My heart is skipping beats as we speak.

First off, while finding someone attractive is important if you want to date them, being good looking doesn't make you a good person. That's such a stupidly obvious statement I feel dumber for writing it. But if so why am I constantly surrounded by messages that say the opposite?

Secondly, liking sports and cars also doesn't make you a good person. We all have varying interests--some more out there than others. Liking all the things most people like isn't a plus in fact it can be a bad thing. Those interests define our personalities, which are kind of a big deal. Guess what, that rich, popular girl/guy isn't going to suddenly like the things you do! And radically changing yourself to fit in with them is just a shade above suicide.

Finally, and this was the hardest won lesson so pay attention: someone being nice doesn't mean they're attracted to you. We always assume the opposite sex have these bizarre mating rituals that we'll never be able to decipher. Put two minutes of thought into it and I bet you can come up with some ideas about what a person does when they want to date you.

So let's all take a look down the hall and into the cubicle of that attractive person who always says hi but you've never had a real conversation with. Who talks about getting drunk and shoes/fantasy football while we might prefer Robert Jordan or gardening. Now let's admit we only like them for their looks and this weird idea that we have to be attracted to them because they spent too much money on their car and seem to have lots of friends around the office. Let's (and I'm saying let's because I need to do this to) take a deep breath and realize that someone who we can have an actual conversation with would be a much better match.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Mean Girls is a good movie.

targeted blocks

2010-05-02T12:24:00.000-07:00

"is it surprising that prisons resemble factories, schools, barracks, hospitals, which all resemble prisons?"
-michael foucault

there is something in the air today. oh yes, oh yes there is.

missives

2010-04-18T23:37:00.000-07:00

It's so easy to slip into a existence of blank pages.

Get up. Go to work. Come home, snatch at happiness. Go to bed.

repeat until dead.

Creating routines can be both a boost and a trap. That's wage slavery for you.

But I have loud music right now, which always helps. And tomorrow I bring out a little something my parent's brought me when they visited. The three section staff is waiting in my weapons bag for me. I haven't held it since February. It'll be like seeing an old friend.

nothing doing

2010-04-04T23:13:00.001-07:00

This has not been a good week for kung fu. I'm distracted and unmotivated. Starting a new job (at an ice cream shop, no less) has given me a bit more structure to my day, but overall I can't get my act together. First thing first is a major cutback on my daily pushups, down to 150. I have rarely managed 500 a day for the past 3 weeks, so I'm so frustratingly behind I just need to get a rhythm back and increase from there. This will most likely mean I don't make my total, but who knows? I've got time, but the consistency matters more than the numbers.

Lately I've been feeling, more so than usual, that I'm just filling in the hours, that everything I do lacks substance. Very little feels real when I'm like this. But words keep their weight. I'll cling to them.

A small reset, because there's always next week.

carry along the black flag

2010-03-21T20:10:00.000-07:00

sitting on the couch, listening to henry rollin's 'get in the van'. non communicative but inspired.

today i was at a demonstration that was meant to block a white power march. the nazis never showed, but good vibes nonetheless. i was talking to a distressed hippy who didn't like the aggressive tone to some of the signs, etc. i repeat what i said to him.

i don't like violence, but i do support anger.

i'm such a nerd. and i love it.

2010-03-14T18:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the Emerald City Comic Con in Seattle. It was an incredible amount of fun. It was just a bunch of people who were stoked on comics, so the vibe was incredibly positive. Almost everyone I met who was extremely friendly and just enjoying themselves--except for a grumpy 8 year old dressed as Iron Man.

There isn't much else to say beyond how much I love comic culture. Most people don't read if they don't have too. But here's an entire subculture devoted to their passion. I saw people of all ages and walks of life united by their enthusiasm. I got to meet a few of my favourite writers and artists, who all put up with my fanboyism. There were ton of people in great costumes. Also, Leonard Nimoy! I don't even like Star Trek and I was excited.

Have some photos:

So Obi-Wan and Magneto walk into a bar...

This was me for most of the day.

Meet my new girlfriends.

Meet my other girlfriend.

This is Lou Ferrigno, who played the Hulk on the tv show from the 70s. He was kind of a jerk.

They'll never take me alive. This was taken with the 501st Legion, a large group of Star Wars fans with high quality costumes. They go to conventions and other events, doing photo ops by donation. All proceeds go to various charities. They were some of the most fun people at the convention--the costumes were mind blowing in quality and detail. Helmet was a weird shape so sorry for the crooked fist.

Good day.

have fun with the theme stuck in your head

2010-03-08T23:49:00.001-08:00

I was reading a few articles today on how a video game can be addicting (I'm using that word pretty loosely here) and the choices designers make to encourage that. One especially insightful piece, written by leading game designer Erin Hoffman, puts the issue in perspective by saying

"Addiction is not about what you DO, but what you DON'T DO because of the replacement of the addictive behavior"

hmmm.

It's true to an extent. I've happily spent an hour or two playing Tetris because what I was supposed to be doing was boring enough that I sought a diversion. Plus, as others have pointed out, the sense of accomplishment we so crave is immediate and often in video games. It's an extension of the Skinner Box--mice pushing levers to get pellets. I play video games not only because they're fun, but they are also stimulated a very important but very stupid part of my brain, which I'm not receiving (or at least not often enough) from the activity I'm avoiding.

Instead of working against our addictive tendencies when it comes to the martial arts (or whatever), it's a lot easier if we harness them. While the two criteria I mentioned above--engagement and fulfillment--aren't the whole story, they are really important for holding interest. So the strategy for staying motivated is to realize that you're stupid. Now settle down, don't get all offended. I'm stupid too.

We like clear problems that when solved lead to direct, tangible results, and we like those results to happen fast. In Tetris I'm presented with a easy to understand situation. I need to flip the shapes around to make rows. Bam. There you go. The task is hard enough to be interesting, but not so difficult or complicated that I get discouraged. Most importantly, I am constantly taking action and seeing fast results. Rows are disappearing quite often, which is a nice, tangible result for my actions. I can point to the result and say "I did that".

You're probably rolling your eyes and saying "if only my life was so easy". Well it can be! All you need to do (broken record alert) is break it down. Set small, clear goals that you can accomplish in days or weeks, not months or years. The 200,000 pushups I'm doing is a great example. Thats a massive number. If I thought of that in those terms I would go back to Tetris. But I see it as 500 a day. Which is still a lot. So I see it as a few sets. When I complete one set, I tick it off mentally. When I complete a day, I get to tick it off on my spreadsheet. That makes it real. I can point to my spreadsheet of daily tics or my mounting numbers on physout and get a real sense of satisfaction from it.

So I've realized to make it simple, straightforward and rewarding. It may never be as fun as Tetris, but it'll be just as easy to start and just as impossible to stop.

sure, it's always raining when the rain is here

2010-02-28T10:51:00.000-08:00

I live in Vancouver now. Just one province away from Edmonton/Stony Plain, but still far enough to miss it.

Living in China was kind of a cheat when it came to staying engaged with my kung fu. If I didn't, I got hit with a stick. Now comes the real challenge. I'll have to rely on keeping in touch with my fellow students, along with the prodding of my roommates, to keep me motivated and practicing. I'll still be attending Friday classes by webcam, so expect many living room horse stances.

But I'm excited to be here. I'm living in a big city now, with all the grime, naiveté and potential that promises.

I live with a cat (appropriately) named Bitey. He rules.

2 months into this good year, and things are going well.

i(don't)c

2010-02-14T22:26:00.000-08:00

Perhaps I'm setting out to be unpopular here. Of course, that means I would have to be popular in the first place.

Anyways.

I don't like the Olympics. If I were in Vancouver, I would be protesting. Every time the 'Olympic report' comes on the news, complete with obnoxious fanfare, I get a bit angry. Forget the Olympics, is what I say. But why, oh why?

You would think, what with the UBBT and all, I would be stoked on individuals pushing themselves to peak levels and join in the celebration of that. And if the Olympics were just about that, I would be fine with it. I completely acknowledge the power of sport and individual achievement. The games sure aren't about that, though.

I'll even ignore the sanitized and corporate controlled image, the long history of politically (re: capitalist) motivated IOC dealings, the issue of Native land rights connected to these games, the 750 units of low income housing that were scrapped to build the athlete's village, and the enormous efforts which amount to trying to convince tourists they need to buy more useless stuff. Along with all the other problems.

I won't even take issue with the money being funneled into the games, because I know that those holding the purse strings wouldn't have spent it on anything of value anyways.

No, what I dislike most about the Olympics is that instead of celebrating individual achievement it promotes a mindless nationalism, a rabid need that most people have to see their country do better. Because if Canada doesn't get at least 10 golds, the terrorists win. I think. That's why it's such a big deal, right?

Ok, I get it. When you're watching a sport, it's more fun if you've got someone to cheer for. But once the closing ceremonies are done nothing will have changed on the world stage--no matter how many shiny medals we get. People are still starving and dying in various parts of the world and us blindly waving our little flags does nothing except subtly promote the worldview that our country is somehow better and dissent is a bad thing.

I just want to slow the rampant patriotism for a bit and try some perspective instead.

cowt

2010-02-06T12:55:00.000-08:00

Here's something I learned today. When I say 'moot' I mean irrelevant. A moot point is one not worth arguing. That's what I thought the word meant.

Well guess what? IT TOTALLY IS THE OPPOSITE.

Here's the Oxford English Dictionary's take on moot:

"1. Originally in Law, of a case, issue, etc.: proposed for discussion at a moot (MOOT n.1 4). Later also gen.: open to argument, debatable; uncertain, doubtful; unable to be firmly resolved. Freq. in moot case, [moot] point."

Seriously? What happened there?

That being said, the second definition acknowledges the use normal in North America:

"2. N. Amer. (orig. Law). Of a case, issue, etc.: having no practical significance or relevance; abstract, academic. Now the usual sense in North America"

You can almost taste the disdain dripping from the definition there. Despite (or maybe because of) it's massive authority, claiming that the OED is run by a bunch of snobs is hardly controversial. But still, I love how the dictionarians (made up word) needed to emphasize how North American the second use is by mentioning it twice.

Language evolves in different ways, words change meaning quite frequently over the course of years. A surprisingly common way is what we have here: at some point a bunch of people on this continent didn't get what moot meant. By using it wrong, they began to pass it onto friends and children and eventually the meaning changes by sheer force of numbers.

Due to my insanity, a dilemma pops up. Since the word is still at a point where the usual definition is kind of wrong, which do I go with? If I use moot the way I'm 'supposed' to, I'll be using it incorrectly as it applies to daily life. People won't get what I'm trying to say and it'll inevitably lead to some hilarious misunderstandings involving Mr Roper. So every reasonable part of my brain wants to keep using it the way I always have. But for the next 6 months or so I know I'll be haunted by the Ghost of English Major Past every time I use it.

Side note: I love the word moot, it's got a great niche meaning and is fun to say--so abandoning it altogether is out of the question. I challenge you to work it into conversation at least once today.

There's some politics at play here, which don't really concern me. People are always very quick to decry the americanization of our language, but that's really just holding onto our old colonial masters as opposed to embracing our new ones. Either side is a bit distasteful to me.

The real star here is my rampaging need to analyze daily speech. Lacking any clear goals or methods, I'm on this eternally unsatisfying quest to play with and dissect language. And, that, my friends, often doesn't work.

I am still reeling from this information. It's going to take some time to get to grips with.

a greener blog due to the recycling

2010-02-03T17:43:00.000-08:00

It's easy to forget how polarizing and strong a force the act of defining is in our world. I was at a recent debate over whether morality could exist without a god and one of the major points was what a person means when they say morality is 'objective'. Many people are on either side of the fence of the abortion debate due to how they define life (though that is by no means the only reason to feel either way). These are cases of conflicting definitions. But when it comes to the concept of knowledge, we have less a conflict of clear definitions but rather the frustrating issue of a concept getting murkier. Talking about knowledge is becoming increasingly alienating and unwieldy.

As a society increasingly obsessed with generating knowledge, we're finding our way of talking and thinking about knowledge inadequate to how we actually experience it. We've moved, at least partially, from storing to processing information--but until we reconsider how we are defining and classifying our knowledge, we're going to get frustrated and disconnected.

Right now, something like spellcheck is a crutch--I use it to hide my terrible spelling in my writing. That makes me look more intelligent (well, not less intelligent, at least) and helps get my points across. But it's not like any of my written communication is handwritten anymore. Every time I write, I'm using spellcheck. Can I call that a useful tool anymore? Or is it now a normal, even integral part of writing?

Let's take it a step further. Anyone you know with an IPhone or equivalent smart phone is about two minutes away from finding out any basic fact you want to know. Population of Uganda? 25,827,000. Who played the inventor in Edward Scissorhands again? Vincent Price. He also in this buddy cop/zombie movie called Dead Heat. That one's on the house.

As these devices become ubiquitous, what will be more important than knowing these basic facts is strategies for getting reliable information easily. I don't have to know these facts because I know where to get them. As this becomes more common, what counts are true knowledge may shift.

A little pause here to quote from the disarmingly straightforward Saul--a passage I quoted on here in 2008 but is worth another look.

"[The general public] react to waves of expert truth which continue to wash over them with a sort of mute indifference. An uninvolved outsider might interpret this as the first stages of a purification rite. Indifference is often the manner behind which humans consider change. Given our history, it should be possible to decipher our intent. We are trying to think our way out of a linguistic prison. This means we need to create new language and new interpretations, which can only be accomplished by re-establishing the equilibrium between the oral and the written. This is a situation in which dictionaries should again be filled with doubt, questioning and considerations. They can then be used as practical weapons of change."
-John Ralston Saul, The Doubter's Companion

It's been two years since I first read those words and I find myself still struck by how obvious yet brilliant they are. As information becomes easier to obtain, we're forced to deal with more of it--assaulted from more sides we can't deal with info at the same rate it's coming in. As real knowledge becomes more specialized, we can no longer communicate across professions or interests. A particle physicist and a chemist, even though they're both scientists, would have very little in common to discuss beyond the basic info anyone has easy access to.

The point is that if you care to look you have instant access to the majority of human knowledge ever produced. As a result, just knowing stuff isn't good enough anymore. We've responded by making knowledge more specialized, but that's cut us off from each other. Culturally, we've arrived at a state of difficult evolution: used to solving problems by generating more info, but the real problems now require--to paraphrase Gregory Treverton--judgements on uncertain situations with no straight, factual answers.

Within the past 50 we've gained new ways of thinking. These new, technologically supported ways can help us--like a hydraulic press lifting a car for a mechanic we can make our lives/jobs easier by using the emphasis on processing rather than knowing to free up our brains for more important info. However, if we paralyze ourselves into obsessively gathering data, we'll be unable to keep up. Rather than info sponges, we need to learn how to become filters.

ps-Malcom Gladwell has a great article applying some of these ideas to the Enron scandal. Read it here.

fanfare much?

2010-01-25T00:19:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I hear about a pop singer who's tearing up the charts right now I feel the need for a little research. I read a bio or two, even watch their music videos on youtube. The last part is a bit odd. I can see watching one, but I have a tendency to hit up quite a few, all the better to...what? Not enjoy it? You all know, or can at least guess, that I hate the music industry and hope everyone who prefers to think of music as a commodity gets bitten by a monkey.

Yeah, you heard me.

Despite that, I do respect someone who manages to make it in such a horrible place, especially if he or she manages to maintain a semblance of creative control. Plus I actually do like some pop music, such as Kate Nash or the majesty that is Gobble Gobble.

But Taylor Swift, the subject of tonight's investigation, doesn't make the cut. Like I said, while I have no problem with her brand of inoffensive country-ish music, I didn't enjoy listening to it for the past half hour. But I did. I watched 'You Belong With Me' (it's the one that goes "she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts" and so on) three times. Not because it was good, nor because it was so bad it was funny.

It's as if I feel some sort of obligation to at least kind of know about mainstream music. Maybe it's some sort of roundabout superiority trip, or even a skewed sense of fairness--giving her a chance. Not listening to the radio and avoiding MTV (if they even play music anymore) means I'm exposed to someone like Taylor Swift sideways--through random snatches that our celebrity culture manages to force down my throat. I knew quite a bit about Taylor before hearing her music, able to wager a guess at what she sounded like--we're even on a first name basis on this blog. One listen would've been enough to confirm or deny my expectations, it is for the myriad of bands that are actually recommended to me. Friend says, listen to this band, you may like them. So I listen, if I do enjoy it I may check where they're from and how many albums they have, that's where it ends. But for music I don't like I afforded far more interest for the details.

Another sure stop in the research train is how they got noticed--mostly to confirm my cynicism for the manufactured stars or to give a little cheer for those who managed to make it on their merits. I also check the age, Taylor being two years younger than me. Some kind of validation, probably.

I think I delve into this info because musician fame baffles me a little. There are bands whose music I am admittedly obsessed with, jamming their records at an incredible rate. But that's the music. The people themselves, while I'm sure are neat, aren't the focus of my attention. When I had the chance to shake hands with vocalist of one of my favorite bands I obviously thought it was cool--but as much as I geek out over the music, I can't muster the kind of shrieking enthusiasm millions of people have over Taylor, the girl. So my forays into this fame are at least partially an attempt to understand what's so interesting about it. Why we should value who she's dating over what she's writing. And I keep coming up empty handed.

In other news, this is apparently my 100th post, having had this thing for over two years. I'm celebrating by reposting the link to Gobble Gobble's Myspace. I don't care what floats your musical boat, you are a click away from one of the most strange and wonderful listening experiences of your life. Do it.

furrow this, jerks

2010-01-21T23:01:00.000-08:00

One of the many things that annoy me is cultural hierarchies. The very idea that some genres or mediums are inherently more intellectual or worthy is ludicrous and plain snobbery.

So many of us have this hang up that art should somehow be morally improving, or that the gap between art and simple entertainment isn't microscopic, if it exists at all. Forget that! Art is itself.

(tangent: if you agree that art should reflect life as accurately as possible--like many, many artists do--what sort of effect does that have for reality tv?)

Take Batman. An almost perfect depiction of obsession over the years, and an interesting take on justice (seeing how he breaks the law in order to preserve it). He also beats bad guys up and swings from rooftops. I like both those things and prefer to get them from one source. Furthermore, the amount of dirty puns in any Shakespearean play is mind boggling.

So let's stop enforcing rigid definitions of quality based on class and money. Good art tears itself from the page/screen/speakers/whatever and grabs by the collar. Bad art doesn't. There's a lot of middle ground but none of it has to do with the genre or medium.

To completely change the subject, I went through a few older posts of mine and in one I express a hope for a robot uprising by the end of UBBT 6. All I have to say is: whats with the slacking, robots?

and you ask why we're all doomed

2010-01-18T23:51:00.000-08:00

Now, I usually consider infomercials a source of misguided comedy. But even I have limits.

This is real. HD Sunglasses are a real thing you can buy. For only twenty dollars you can have a product which makes no sense. For only twenty dollars you can officially admit you're a drain on society.

I ever see someone wearing these hip, "euro-designed" monstrosities...oh man, they are getting such a lecture.

Let's all calm down with something great. And why not make it another embedded video!

ps- shamwows are actually pretty amazing. i'm just saying.

after the fact introductions

2010-01-18T21:44:00.000-08:00

Downed internet yesterday makes Jack a dull boy.

Also means a late posting.

Guess I haven't introduced myself properly to the UBBT 7 crowd. So here we go:

Having trained in Kung Fu since I was thirteen, it's hard to imagine my life without it. Because of this, I thought I was pretty hardcore until I joined UBBT 6 as a student member. The test completely changed the way I approach my training and also allowed me to take those lessons into my life and the lives of those around me. Now, I see every part of my day as training--taking every opportunity I see to improve as a person. For me, 2010 means moving to a new city, starting new school and just generally being awesome. I also plan on pushing myself beyond even the scope of my current abilities and mindset.

Now that's a pretty one sided picture of me, so to set the record straight I will say this: I'm a rowdy punk rocker and as cynical as a person can get, but I'm also stoked on life and ready to fill every day with meaning.

so...that happened

2010-01-06T23:40:00.000-08:00

Getting off the plane, I was fresh faced (re: half-awake) and excited for more time in China. I gave my passport to the immigration official with an extra warm greeting (mostly because I was excited to be there, but she was also really cute). She looks at my picture, nods, flips to my visa. Says "huh?"

Around this time the fun began.

Turns out the office manager at the academy I was staying at screwed up, extending my visa in November as I had asked but neglecting to get the one that allows for a re-entry. An honest mistake and easily forgivable. I figured I would have to sign a form, smile sheepishly, maybe get her on the phone as a last resort. Well, after a half hour of discussion I was politely but firmly escorted by one Air Canada employee and three cops (who seemed thankful for something to actually do) onto the next flight to Vancouver.

Including takeoff and landing of both flights, I'm guessing my second trip to the People's Republic clocked in at around an hour and a half.

So I'm back in Van, staying at my friend's house, chilling for a few days until sorting out a flight back to Edmonton. I don't think I'll be heading back to the Orient anytime soon. Not only do I have no money I was told it would be a good idea if I didn't apply for another visa until at least a year had past.

Lesson learned. The bureaucracy of China may be disorganized and chaotic, but if you lack the proper paperwork they don't screw around.

circular endings

2010-01-02T12:25:00.000-08:00

1000 pushups, 1000 situps. Hangouts and real talk with my friends.

A little bit of vegan chinese food.

Beating mega man 2 on the NES in one sitting.

New year and new ubbt. Good start.

Speaking of ubbt, here's my requirements:

UBBT 7: even more ultimate, I guess?

The core:

-Blog once a week

-No quitting!

Keeyah!:

-at least 1 hour a day of mindful, constant practice

-Devise and achieve two variations for all applications, one varies intent (that is, outcome), the other the original attack (for example, a defense against a kick is now against a hook). At least 50% of original moves must remain. Perform two sets (on different days) of 50 repetitions of both variations and the original application. This is because I've realized that I had trained mindlessly for a large chunk of my martial arts career. Just doing the moves is insufficient, I need to understand them in both mind and body.

-Learn the Tai Chi short form

-A once a month revisit of all curriculum techniques

-1000 reps of Kempo.

-500 reps of three section staff, culminating in a blindfolded performance and a newly designed form.

-224 reps a year of all other forms (4 a week), including weapon and Shaolin forms.

-At least half of daily practice must be applications or techniques, including kicks.

-15 minutes a day of mediation

-20 minutes a day of Tai Chi.

-Partner stretching 5 times a week: toe touching, shoulders, hips, back and splits. Starting with 30 seconds each, increasing by 5 seconds every month.

-The four dynamic stretch kicks (stiff swinging, inside/outside cyclone, side swinging) for warm up every day before practice.

-Conditioning every day

Check out my biceps:

-200,000 pushups. Dear me, that's a large number.

-200,000 situps.

-Power training three times a week. This will be around 1 1/2 hours of shaolin style brutalization, geared towards building fighting strength and endurance.

-Biking at least 40 km a week, whether stationary or real world. Includes two sessions of at least 15km. This may go up--I'm just pulling a number out of thin air for biking.

Starting new things:

-Start a new martial art, but not until at least June. I need to get into a good practice routine before branching out again.

-Take a reality based self defense course, one that focuses on the psychology of self-defense.

-Receive instructor certification in the UBBT anger management course

-Start or join a motivated hardcore band that practices regularly

Pen and Paper:

-Write (creatively) for at least 30 minutes a day.

-Write at least one good story a month. A longer one (~10000 words) can be worked on for two months, but the key is more output than usual.

-Write at least one high quality, academic style 10 page paper in August as a warm up for school.

-Write 5 essays over 5 pages on the assumptions and mental habits of a particular area of my life.

-Write a 10 page paper summarizing the major historical paradigms (using Kuhn's writing on science) of the martial arts, with emphasis on the past 50 years.

-Write a 10 page paper on the current attitudes and paradigms of the martial arts, analyzing the business, the influence of sport fighting and mma, and which (if any) of these paradigms the UBBT is challenging. Also summarize the fundamental approaches to training most take, and suggest new, little used, or combined ones the community could benefit from.

Community:

-Consistently (once a week at least) volunteer in an organization that promotes real, local good.

-Contribute to (heavily) or lead at least 5 community projects. At least 3 must be unaffiliated with Silent River.

-Encourage and help promote shows in Vancouver, with the aim of developing a more thriving punk and hardcore scene there.

-Reject consumerism in my daily life as thoroughly and practically as I can. Use tactics such as dumpster diving, growing my own food/making my own stuff and trading communities. When I do buy things, preference to local, DIY or used goods. Heavily promote the benefits of this lifestyle to others, possibly through organizations.

-1000 acts of kindness

-Reduce my plastic and disposables usage to a minimum level (this will begin with a one month evaluation of how much I use)

so, there is news

2009-12-12T19:07:00.000-08:00

I've decided to come home from china early, probably around March. Nothing against the training--I mostly need to get a job and make some money before school.

That being said, I'm not too crushed about it. I've realized how great my life is, mostly due to the people around me. I'm excited to get back to it.

Home for xmas in a week.

UBBT 7 in two.

2009 was the best year of my life, but 2010...well, you won't even see it coming.

spective is so retro nowadays

2009-12-05T22:00:00.000-08:00

Strangely, I didn't really think about UBBT 6 ending. I saw it more as the next step in my training, a permanent change in the way I think about the martial arts: a stage rather than a test. Even this ending is just a gateway into the beginning of UBBT 7: so it's appropriate I should talk about the past year in light of the next.

Especially since we began in September, it seems like ages since the test began. While these 16 months have flown by in a certain respect, I've experienced so much I get dizzy thinking about it. I graduated university, moved to China, even joined a band. Every day was full and exciting. Oh sure, I sometimes had trouble getting out of bed or going to class, just like anyone. On the whole, though, I managed to stay engaged with each day. This, in fact, has been the best year of my life because I worked so hard and so mindfully.

But the fun part is, things are just going to keep getting better.

I'm looking forward to more time in China, then moving to Vancouver. Hanging out with my amazing friends in that city, starting my master's, and trying to take my training in new and exciting directions. All good things.

There will be problems, of course. I'll be stressed, broke and there will be many days where I'll have trouble getting the motivation to do my pushups, let alone train. But that's ok. Stress means I'm challenging myself. No money means I don't have to care about it: enjoying the true pleasures of life instead of the consumerist wasteland. And no matter how much I don't want to train, I can and will--making it mean all the more.

The UBBT this year was a means of focus. A lens that has started to turn me into a laser beam. But that focus isn't obsession. Taking my training into the world has taught me that being alive takes work. Putting everything I have into my training has let me put everything into daily life.

I think the best thing I can say about UBBT 6 is it wasn't the race. It was the starter's pistol. Instead of winding down after a long and difficult journey, I'm amped to go further and harder this time.

So bring it on, because this year I'm going to get more out of myself and my life: more training, more positivity, more engagement and even more tattoos.

(ps- sorry about that last thing mom)

as you push, you go up

2009-11-30T02:16:00.000-08:00

very tired right now. expect more later this week.

pushups this month: 10,990

pushups so far: 16,570

winter wonderland

2009-11-16T00:56:00.000-08:00

It really snowed Saturday night, probably a foot by Monday. Sunday after lunch we had a snowball fight, then made snowmen/women and kicked their heads off. It was fun to watch the reactions of students who had never before seen snow.

The training hall is cold enough to see my breath now, but working hard warms me up.

the far out east

2009-11-09T02:25:00.000-08:00

The martial arts come from very specific cultures and today carry many elements of that. But this leads to some very inaccurate ideas about the cultures themselves.

I hear a lot of martial artists talk about how wrong we do things in the west (and by west, I mean that ethnocentric, mildly racist 'west' of North America and parts of Europe): we dabble too much, are too egotistical or unfocused. Predictably, most of the talk I hear is from western practitioners.

Many of us hold Japan, China, etc. as some mystical land of wisdom and patience. We've frozen this already unrealistic portrait of a culture: after only seeing a few heavily edited bits and pieces we've assumed what's in the rest of the book.

After two months of living here I can say that everything you don't like about our culture is enthusiastically present in China. It's just as much a worry obsessed, consumer whore, shallow hateful culture as back home. There are good bits, of course--just as there's good and bad bits everywhere. My Shifu (ooo, dropping some mandarin spelling on y'all) even complains about how Chinese people don't take care of themselves as well as Westerners.

But let's take it one step further. After all, we're not necessarily talking about your average Chinese citizen. Well, the two Shaolin masters--as in grew up in the real Shaolin temple--I see everyday are, unsurprisingly, pretty human. They aren't stoic, infinitely wise men (it always seems to be men with this stereotype) who stroke beards and mostly grunt. One loves zombie movies, and my Shifu has fairly short temper.

So stop comparing cultures. The martial arts is a product of a certain worldview, yes. But that worldview is not an accurate picture of Oriental culture, both modern or ancient. Consider the rhetoric of medieval European chivalry compared to the brutal and often cruel practices of knighthood. So much smoke for the size of the fire.

At the same time, the martial arts has become a worldview of it's own. Embrace the humility, patience and accountability of our practice rather than a five point exploding palm or any other fantasy we like to tell each other. And don't project some imagined values on a different culture.

i are fifth

2009-11-02T02:40:00.000-08:00

Some i ams to start the week

10. i am organized
"he'll be able to reach behind him and grab a tool without looking. move it two inches to the left and he'll spend weeks looking for it."
so says pirsig. so says a lie. enforcement by routine breeds only the hollow comfort of repetition and by forcing the disparate details of existence into a optimistic, arbitrary system do we reach behind ourselves to find everything in a place ascribed to it as opposed to where it actually is.
look back for once and you'll find the chaos of reality but as long as you keep your eyes forward on the system, the vapid optimism, the unreality you've chosen for your perception you'll stay happily sane and unquestioning: an orgy of order self-imposed that keeps us content and most importantly, quiet. This piece of plastic garbage goes there or maybe it should be moved two inches to the left because otherwise the whole place would fall apart and you, you the candide lacking even disaster, you'd have to look at things for what they are.

11. i am my business (i am my product)
i didn't know it was any of your business to be mine. i didn't know it was any of my business to give myself up to a brand. livelihoods are not conducive to living. real opinions aren't ok if i have something to sell. individuality unacceptable to the churnings of capitalism.
but i'll keep this all secret from myself because otherwise i wouldn't be able to wander through suburbia in eternal fear of doing anything out of the ordinary or even of real value because the soccer moms and dads are all peeking in terror through the curtains and my logo is scarred, branded, onto my forehead: uncle graham's family friendly beige coloured uncontroversial plastic wrapped generic martial arts fun club. won't change your life but we do birthday parties.

12. i am engaged (participative)
every moment is right here. all i do is breathe and see only what's in front of me. the only way i can recognize that i'm alive. a future means i'm blind and a past means i'm dead. only the next step is real and every punch is the last one i'll ever throw.

13. i am joyful
i've got a songbird drawn into my leg because i don't want meaning to sing and scream. i'll go onto rooftops to see the city as a collection of moments, clinging to the belief that nothing is worth more than my own worthiness, than my own sense of being. nothing matters more than right now, whatever it is.
at some point in space and time we'll press our foreheads together, surrounded by a city of garbage and the hopelessness we're told to have. i'll forget it all because for a second they'll be nothing beyond the smell of your hair and the flickering streetlight.

14. i am breathing
thinking about it, my existence suddenly becomes deliberate. staying alive no longer left to the medula oblongata--the piece of lizard still left in me, haphazardly flawlessly regulating the necessities. but i can take over that one piece, become simply the function, confront the details in order to see. in, out, in, out. inoutinoutinoutinoutinoutintoutinoutinout until never and forever.

i can't hold my heartbeat but i can clamp my mouth shut to keep the outside world and the gift of life at bay. i'll always open sooner rather than later because my medula and myself have interests in still being around. the joys of panic waver under the rush of inout.

short and bitter

2009-11-02T02:28:00.000-08:00

It started snowing today, big wet flakes that slowly drifted down and melted. A quick drop in temperature accompanied that-- thankfully, my room is warm.

Makes me miss home.

My sanda matchs on friday went pretty well. I dominated my second fight, though it wasn't all out. The first match was more serious. I managed to hold my ground and had some good shots, but a lot of my technique went out the window. That just means more opportunity to improve.

Being November, I've upped my pushups to 350 per day. I'm around 400 short of my schedule due to my injury last week, but I'll have caught up by this weekend. Here's the first of my monthly totals (well, most of this month--I didn't start counting until the 6th or so):

pushups this month: 5,600
pushups total: 5,600
pushups to go: 174,400

stardom awaits

2009-10-26T02:30:00.001-07:00

Wednesday afternoon Master Wong had a surprise for us. Somehow he had secured parts for nine of us (which grew to 14) as extras in a Chinese television drama titled East Dongfeng, which will be about the Korean War.

We stayed in a hotel that night--which I'm pretty sure was still under construction. But the top floor was done. The next day we woke up at 4, then drove to the coast. After getting on a huge ferry that took over 30 minutes to turn around, we sailed to a stunning island in the pacific ocean.

The scene was a meeting between Truman and General Mcarthar. We played members of the staff. I got to be a general, looking stern in the background. The hats were fantastic. One fellow student even got a speaking part--though he'll be dubbed over into Mandarin.

It was a very long day but the experience was too random and unique I loved it to pieces. That night Master Wong, dissatisfied with the dinner the film company offered us, took us out to a karrow (basically barbecue) place--where I had the best mushrooms I've ever tasted.

I've got my first real Sanda match on Friday. Full contact, even. I also picked up a minor pull in my tricep today. I'll fall a day or two behind on my pushups, which is becoming a much larger deal the more I do.

ten to six or nine to five

2009-10-20T04:04:00.000-07:00

Waking up yesterday, I had very little motivation to train. As I was dragging myself around after breakfast, I just felt lazy and a little sleep deprived. It's understandable, I have been going hard for 5 weeks now and the weekend often just reminds me of my lazy possibilities. But there I was anyhow, begrudgingly putting my on shoes.

Then I thought to myself: if I was at home on a Monday morning, I would be going to some job. Some piece of retail toxic waste that would be far easier but far more soul destroying.

I practically ran downstairs, grateful for where I am.

ahoy hoy

2009-10-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

I started staff (well, pole) on Friday. I'm very excited, as I got to see someone perform what I'll be learning and it's fantastic. Lots of spins and intense strikes.

So that morning I get my staff and was shown the flower: a slight variation on double articulation. Then I practice that for an hour and a half. Tomorrow, I'll get shown the first one or two moves of the form and I'll practice those in a similar matter. While I was spinning my staff, I realized how different my approach to training is here. I have certainly practiced one form for that long, but not just one more, especially so consistently. But the devil's in the details and I'm improving at a pretty incredible rate.

In other news, I've got a new goal with my pushups. Right now I'm doing 4x40 knuckle pushups, 40 tiger claw pushups (but in a sandpit; I won't spoil the surprise about what these look like), 40 fingertips and 40 on the back of my hands for a total of 280. On November 1st, everything will go up to 50--raising then by 10 every month, with a new type of pushup being added in the new year. I'll do that until April 1st, where everything will be at 100 for a total of 800 pushups a day. Then I'll just raise the knuckles by 25 in May and June, for a total of 1000 by June. Assuming I can cut it, I'll do 1000 pushups a day for 40 days, so on July 11th, I'll give myself a birthday present of 180,000 pushups in 9 months.

Yeah, let's see what happens.

hip to the jive

2009-10-12T05:25:00.000-07:00

An overextended tendon in my hip (or something like that) has been bothering me since my first week but it came to a head last week. I decided to take it easy: no kicking on the right leg, and very few low stances. It was an annoying, but good decision. Part of me wanted to just try and train through it, which is the usual advice from the Masters. They don't really care about an injury until you're absolutely floored by it. But I figured I knew my body better and that it was better to tone it down for a week rather than have to take time off for good.

I'm healing quite well now, thankfully. Common sense prevails.

I've already graded the basics, which went well. I might just be grading on Thursday, for a form called Tombei. It's intensely different than anything from Kempo, which makes it fun. There is a flying spinning cyclone at the end--good times. Actually, no. Bad times. But the rest of the form is fast and furious, with some wicked stances.

i are fourth.

2009-09-30T04:03:00.000-07:00

Have some i ams. Short and sweet, just some meaning.

3
I am connected.
there are mountains surrounding here. out every window impossibly ancient history juts into the sky. i think about it plunging into the earth, without moving. i think about it being the earth itself. i'll grind my feet a little more for the horse stance. twist it, pushing small bits of concrete aside. i'll feel myself go down according to what i'm a part of.

4
i am unencumbered
slam the palm against the tree, grip as i pull back. fingers are claws. fingers are claws. they learnt by watching, so i'll also proceed by metaphor.
fingers are claws.
not the usual trees, ones by the dining hall. far back in the dark instead. supposedly not to disturb those eating. really i just want to be by myself. out here in the dark the tree is hardly visible, pale fingers bright as they slam, then grab. out here in the dark it's only my hands and the tree. nothing to worry about when the fingers are claws.
last slam, last pull. start on the left. smell the sap on my fingers before i feel. sweetness isn't taste but an event.

5
i am an explorer
columbus looted gold--finding those already found. hard to discover something so big. the frontier only looks that way from the sepulchres, vast landscapes can never be home if you've only got a one way view.
contact zone is the new term, places of conflict and negotiation. trades and code-switching. you mucka high!
training as a pyramid, the spiritual mountain. everything has a top. walk long enough you start going down. walk even longer and i'll end up where you started. light bends, so watch your step--don't worry about where i'm going until i get there.
explore doesn't always mean contact. in pidgin x doesn't mean sh, so i'll stick to speaking in my own head.

6
i am listening
-ing. the gerund. an event in progress. active. something i do. listenING. hey, watch the eye contact. shoulders back, young man. you're listenING. lost skills that were never found to begin with. Nod at the right places, make the good sounds. lean forward, young man. you're listenING. ING ING ING. active. something i do.

7
i am open-minded
fell down the stairs not too long ago. head predictably split in two and the world spilt out. open only as long as i'm allowed to talk. open only according to me. tore it open on purpose yesterday and let the world spill in, slosh around. peeled away the cerebellum folds today and found a garden. no imposition, no order. i like it that way, but that doesn't mean i shouldn't pull the weeds.

8
i am a follower
the leader points we all look lazily. so we're beaten without us knowing and we learn to snap to attention. eventually we learn to beat each other. clubs behind each others backs. small words that keeps the mainstream pure.
i'm being pulled along by the crowd of happy marchers, fighting to leave but never quite making it because there is nowhere to go. we're all marching along, silent beatings given out by smiling friends. i'll stay out of step as best i can, but even that is tinged with bitterness and fashion. i'm being dragged all the same and there's no way i'll go quietly.
if wisdom points i'll look. but i won't snap and i'll never kneel.

forks are so rou-tine. ha!

2009-09-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

If you're looking to email me, it's grahamrobertson@me.com. Use this instead of the U of A address, because I don't know how long I'll get to keep that.

Anyway, you're all probably wondering about the training. Now that I've had two weeks I feel sufficiently into it to describe what we do.

Every day I get up at 5:45 or so and go outside for the optional Tai Chi class at 6. We do that for 40 minutes or so, then practice qi gong (usually the standing cauldron) for about 20 minutes.

Breakfast is next, with a break until 8:30. Then we split into our individual groups and go for a run, about 1 1/2 to 2 km. We then warm up, which is mostly stretching and some basic techniques designed to limber us up, like hopping while throwing punches, stiff swinging kicks, etc. A favourite stretch is to put one leg up on the windowsill of the training hall and reach into it. I could barely get my leg up when I started but now I'm pretty comfortable. I can even touch my toes with one hand. Sometimes.

Monday and Tuesday we spend the morning practicing basics and forms. This often means holding stances with weights in our hands, such as horse stances with arms straight out. We also work on applications quite a bit, usually adopted from the forms. There isn't a whole lot of standing in a line throwing a particular technique--Master Wong (my Sifu here) seems to think the forms are sufficient for learning the techniques, or that we should be doing them with a partner. Usually form work involves him showing the student(s) a few moves, then we practice it for about 10-20 minutes or so. Then he looks at the form, corrects and lets us train more. If he thinks we have it, then he'll teach us a little more.

Wednesday morning is qi gong. It's at this beautiful little creek bed that feeds into a lake, where we stand on flat rocks jutting out from the water. We'll do the eight step qi gong form a few times, then practice standing and sitting meditation/qi gong. After that, when we're all chilled out, we do some hefty muscle conditioning. This usually involves bashing the backs of our forearms together and kicking each other in the legs.

Thursday morning we get into the padded sanda ring (which is actually a boxing ring with ropes, but whatever) and practice rolls and takedowns. We don't do a lot of acrobatics in our group, which I'm fine with. I'm hoping to at learn at least some fancy stuff before I go though, perhaps on the weekends from other students. The takedowns are all very fast and aggressive, due to the 3 second clinch rule in sanda. I kind of suck at these, but that just means I get to progress more. This is essentially the only time we train with mats. Everything else is on concrete.

Friday we'll do a bit of basics, but it's mostly power stretching. It's painful, but do I ever feel limber after having someone pull on my leg for 10 minutes.

Morning training ends at 12 (we have two sessions of 1 1/2 hours, with a 1/2 hour break at 10). Lunch goes on until 2:30, Usually I eat and then go have a nap or listen to music.

Master Wong loves Sanda (basically it's kickboxing with takedowns) so we train that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon. It's mostly pad or bag work, usually with emphasis on a particular technique or combination. Pretty straightforward, with emphasis on repetition. The bags here are much harder than the ones at Silent River, so my shins are taking a bit of a beating.

Thursday afternoon is power training, which is by far the hardest activity. Lots of angled planks, wheelbarrows, bunny hops, bench pressing, vertical sit ups and weighted squats. When not doing that, we're hitting the bags. Both times have been brutal, but productive.

Friday afternoon is the mountain run, which I've already described. A great way to end the week, as after doing that I feel like I've earned two days of rest. Sometimes (such as yesterday) we have a theory class instead. It's nice to get a new perspective on the martial arts. Nothing earth shattering, but certainly different than what I've heard before.

All this is done by 4, though the afternoon training usually runs a bit late. Then both shaolin groups do the form He Ha Ha together. It's only five moves long, 3 of those are similar to the narrow kneel stance. We shout either "he" or "ha" together, sort of like doing Hsieh Chen. We'll do it around 5-10 times and while I'm always really tired and not stoked to be going so low and shouting, it's an invigorating way to end training.

Finally, at 4:30 is qi gong class, also optional. Usually it involves a half hour of the standing cauldron qi gong, though there are other stances and moves we do occasionally. Then we'll practice Hsing I or conditioning. I've tended to skip this class on Wednesdays, as I had spent the morning practicing the very same thing. I'm conditioning every day, however, even on the weekends. I hit tree (not particularly hard at this point) with various body parts (palms, forearms, shoulders, etc.) a few hundred times. I'm also falling in love with Hsing I. I haven't done much, but it feels great. Soft but explosive.

After dinner there are optional classes. Mon-Wed is a very disorganized Mandarin class, with massage on Thursday and Buddhism theory on Friday. Friday also has a calligraphy class instead of qi gong, but I haven't made it out yet. The massage classes are fantastic, as I get to spend part of the time as the dummy for my partner to massage. I'm into that, especially after a week of training. Then a shower and by 9:30 I'm in bed.

Weekends so far have been spent on walks, reading, watching a film or two (predictably, most of the people here are fans of old kung fu movies) and going into the city--mostly for groceries but occasionally just to wander around. Chess is pretty popular, both European and Chinese (which I haven't learnt yet), so I can usually get a game or two in every day.

So there is my routine in (probably too much) detail. It's varied enough through the week to hold interest, which is good. I starting to settle into the rhythm of the place, discovering I have a decent amount of time to myself. I was worried I would have to be so involved in training my other interests would get shunted off to the side, but I feel like I can maintain a healthy balance here.

Two more things. The first is that every day I do a form from Kempo, just to keep my memory up. Even though I'm sometimes destroyed from training, I know I need to stay committed to my kung fu and keeping it mine. Think about that next time you're thinking about skipping training, because I'm beginning to realize every time you do it's a step backwards. I've joined some of the students in doing a little bit of training Sundays, mostly because I'm working so hard now I can see myself progressing every time I practice.

Second is that I've been doing a lot of knuckle pushups here. On concrete. It really, really sucks. I'm working on back of the hand and tiger claw pushups, which will both take a while. I saw the Mantis Master doing dragon fist pushups. That's right, pushups only on the middle knuckle of his middle finger. I've made that one of my goals for the year.

those shoes are now a long way away

2009-09-18T05:43:00.000-07:00

This week I have trained harder than ever before. It's fantastic but grueling. I thought I was in shape, but I just felt like a lump the whole week. I can tell I'm going to get very flexible and strong.

The second day I was so sore I could barely tie my shoes. Then I was that sore for the next three days. But I learned to ignore the pain and focus on training.

After strength training on Thursday my sifu here, Master Wong, asked me if I had been at school. I told him that I had just graduated university. So he said: "that's why you're so tired. Too much time in library!"

All I've done this week is trained, read, played chess and listend to music. This will be a good year.

dead valleys

2009-09-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

So, I'm in china.

I haven't started training yet (that's tomorrow) but I can tell I'm going to like it. The other students are all very friendly, the staff and translators accommodating. Plus I'm surrounding by mountains. Fall seems to be when many people are starting, so there are quite a few who have been here less than a week. I feel less out of step as a result.

This country is very different. More so than any other place I've been--it's an exciting change. Jackie Chan's smiling mug is everywhere here. He even has a chain of cafes. Righteous.

Can't post photos because I left a piece of software at home, lame, huh?

Not much else to say until I actually begin training. Tomorrow the shaolin madness will begin.

she walked backwards, keeping her eyes on the ground

2009-09-05T23:59:00.000-07:00

Walking at my parent's place I noticed leaves on the ground. Fall arrived without me noticing.

I leave Edmonton in two days and Canada shortly after. Before, a year away seemed like...well, a year. Now it feels like I'll be back in a flash. Perhaps it's the fact that I won't be returning to Edmonton after this adventure. I'm not sure.

I like the fact that I'm leaving. It's rare that the circumstances of one's life change so drastically and deliberately. Since I know that my outlook on the martial arts and myself will change so drastically in the next year, I'm almost more excited to come back to reflect and actualize those changes--though I still feel like a kid on chirstmas eve right now.

Leaving right after renovations was a good idea. Helping clean and maintain the place reminded me how much of myself is in that school. I've got bones in the foundation. They'll stay there, even though the rest of me will go.

Blogging is all about accountability, right? So how about a sweeping, overly grand, melodramatic statement to hold myself to:

I promise to always be a student here.

No matter where I end up--whatever else I've train in--as long as you'll have me Silent River, I'll be first and foremost yours. Kempo is my walk, my talk, my muscles. It's me. I aim to keep it that way.

Enough promises. A goodbye dinner then a few days in Vancouver.

i'm holding out for a longer goodbye

2009-08-30T23:01:00.000-07:00

So begins my last week in Edmonton.

Not much to say, really. Going to China still doesn't feel real--a curse of planning it for so long, I suppose. I really have only the faintest idea of what to expect, so I plan to just jump into it with both feet and see what happens. No use speculating here.

Boring post, I know. You'll all just have to deal with it.

buying in to the sellouts

2009-08-20T01:19:00.000-07:00

Trying to keep street cred or whatever in art, is fashion. Fashion doesn't matter. David Eggers has a much better treatment of that you can find online.

But maybe selling out has a second meaning, one that matters. Compromising artistic integrity for capital gain? That sounds a little restrictive to me. Pandering is better. For bosses, critics, whoever. That's death.

But, and I need to emphasize this, not pandering to crowds. People aren't stupid, they have taste. I refuse to believe for a second that I somehow am able to better judge a song or book than the next person. Sure, the major industries push things that are easily digestible rather than good, but that doesn't affect people's taste. Hipster smugness for liking a band until they got popular is simple snobbery. The hipster assumes he or she is so much smarter for liking the band until other people liked them, then the changed, dumbed down. Because the hipster can't enjoy what everyone does, that would make them just like everyone else. We can't have that, can we?

Trying not to sell out, as Eggers describes it, is definitely pandering. When my art stops being for me, when it not longer is about my desire to make art, it's a sellout--hollow.

But there's more here. That's too simple an answer. What about popularity? What does it do? More importantly, how do you make art without pandering?

Let's only talk about music for a bit, keep things in perspective. It works well because what I love in music, what I do, is punk, and it's hard to find another genre so paranoid about not selling out. And selling is the operative word here, rejecting the corporate side of the music industry is, if I can be forgiven for such a sweeping statement, practically the point of punk. And I still firmly believe in that, despite all the posturing that comes along with that attitude, it matters. A friend put it quite succinctly at a recent show, something along the lines of "this music isn't about marketability, but passion". Getting heavy, no?

Maybe you saw the trick there--a little sleight of hand we punks, especially hardcore kids, love to pull. I'll be a bad magician and point the trick out: it's pretty easy to not care about record sales when you aren't selling records. It's not like Def Jam or Universal is kick down our doors. 100 people at a show is a good turnout because there are only a few hundred people in the city who enjoy this music enough to come see it live. No one reviewing our albums is about as decent insulation from the critics as I could hope for. I don't have to make the choice to keep it real, I've only got the one way to keep.

I've painted a fairly disingenuous picture, haven't I? The ivory dumpster of punk rock. And while there isn't a whole lot of money with this genre, one could still play punk and at least make a career out of it, all the while claiming legitimacy. Rancid has. They are a popular band, there is no doubt about that. They played a conference centre last time they were here, not some hall. And while they managed to get popular and preserve a good chunk of their original fanbase, many resent their rise. In the 90s, they merited much respect by staying with their tiny original label, Epiteth--which some nowadays, without the slightest hint of irony, condemn as a corporate sellout label. It must be maddening, if they care to think about it. They make music that people like, so why is entertaining people such a bad thing?

A good response comes from Tim Armstrong himself, frontman of the band. He was once asked what defines now a young person as a punk. In his own rambling, mildly confused way, he pointed out that if that kid felt like an outcast and came to music deliberately as an outsider--chances are it would be some type of punk. And then a man who many think speaks for the genre shrugs and asks "who am I to say what's punk?"

That answer, like most things, could benefit from a step back. I've been talking about making music like it just happens. There's another side to this lack of attention that starts with motivation. We can't be in it for anything beyond the music. There isn't anything else for 99% of us. Punk rockers, by and large, have day jobs--as do the majority of indie artists. Making music, or any art, despite their daily lives. No one plays noise to be famous. People want to be in the Pussycat Dolls for that.

That's important. In fact, that's the whole point of this rambling example. The guys from Rancid aren't rich (and remember they're near the pinnacle of popularity within the genre), the members of Converge, another popular band, aren't even full time. To make art in the cracks of life, to work around a job that you may hate, brings meaning to the process. In zen, inner peace can be achieved in a garden, but is earned in a traffic jam or battlefield or final exam. Same thing here. Those that are lucky or good enough to do it all the time should be applauded. Until they forget why they started--that's when trouble starts.

So Rancid will keep selling albums, though even now they're starting to get a little stale, irrelevant even. But as long as it's never a job to them--which they demonstrate with their live shows--the trimmings are irrelevant. The first time I heard that band it was magic, and I'm glad that so many others feel the same way too. But it's magic, not a catchy song you wouldn't mind hearing when you're drunk at a club. That's because good music is played the same whether it's for a hall or a stadium.

Selling out isn't only about labels, or the stupid sense of legitimacy that Eggers so refreshingly attacks. It comes from a lack of passion, a dulling of the process. Letting art get easy.

Turns out I've come full circle back to him: if something is good, it's good. Simple. The music industry is bloated with stale, copycat, manufactured pieces of garbage because those who run it have dollar signs in their eyes. The art world is full of thin works because the disconnected critics rule it. But the true artists are still there, no matter the circumstances.

mr. kuhn, you're tying to shift me, aren't you?

2009-08-03T22:55:00.000-07:00

As ubbt members, we are pretty comfortable with our role as teachers of the martial arts. But one thing is starting to bug me: looking from the angle of a practitioner, what are the martial arts about?

'About' is kind of a weird word to use, but it fits. We see the opportunities in teaching the martial arts, but where does our practice fit in? What's the point?

As a physical activity, a sport, it lacks the usual rhetoric of competition, fair play, etc. Some of that's there for sure, but if a school or organization takes it to the level found on a football team, criticism follows. Maybe we're a bit elitist, but the black belts of the world by and large see ourselves as teachers, not coaches.

The martial side of things can't be neglected. Self-defense is a vital part of any practice. But if all you do is fighting, you're missing out. We can all agree on that. It's just what you're not getting that I'm curious about.

But our art doesn't look like other arts either. We have a slavish devotion to craft rather than art. Expression comes into it, but the way we practice the same thing over and over makes us look more like masons than scuplters. No shame in that, of course--but there has got to be some reason we call what we do an art. We do express ourselves. The best kung fu or karate is more than beautiful, it's an outpouring of the self. We turn ourselves inside out. But definitely not in the same way a painter or musician does. At least I think so. I have my share of experience with other art forms and I can tease out similarities between them. The martial arts are different. Art is for the sake of itself. It can have an agenda, but to be any good a play, painting or piece of music needs to be at least partially have no motivation beyond the art form.

Well, of course we do that. We all start for different reasons: health, self-defense, maybe even something to do. But we stick it out because we love it, plain and simple. Yet the more I progress, the more my kung fu is about self improvement. The point I make through my kung fu is one of character. The martial arts, for many of us, exist as an uneasy allegory. We're not actually learning to kick and punch. That's what the ubbt is all about. So maybe it is that simple. students going to to class to hear fables, settled in a circle around sifu aesop. We get told the moral, but have to hear the story first for it to have meaning. In this case the story is another throw or block, another thousand reps.

Somewhere in the middle is too simple of an answer.

I'm beginning to think that we use the martial arts to make sense of the world. Like a fable, we do pushups and throw punches to embrace a worldview. But how? And why? No easy answers tonight.

bam! pow! cliched!

2009-07-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

While I was changing after the gym a few days ago..

(first tangent: going to the gym is a fantastic idea. Even if you're training every day at home, lifting weights at the gym gives a nice sense of routine to help stay focused. The extra strength is nice too)

...there were some kids from a summer camp getting ready to go swimming one row of lockers over. Amongst the yelling I heard them talking about superpowers. I remember these imaginary arms races. One of them started out as Spider-Man, then the other claimed the Hulk, then it just went on, then they started

(second tangent: just to make the record clear, the Hulk is unkillable, and if mad enough one of the most powerful beings in the marvel universe. Y'know, if anyone was curious)

...on characters from Watchmen. Nite Owl vs. Ozymandias was the first match, and eventually Dr. Manhattan's ability to make people explode with his mind was brought up. My first thought was that the kid made a good choice. Second was how weird they were talking about it. I mean, Watchmen is hardly for children, though I guess

(third tangent: my love for comics is obvious, and I've stood up for them in the past, so I won't go into that. But Watchmen is an incredible piece of work by any standard. Not that awards mean too much, but Time magazine did name Watchmen one of the top 100 novels--not graphic novels, any sort of novel--of the 20th century).

...the movie adaption has popularized it. Even still the movie, but more so the book, are about a group of washed up, flawed people. They aren't superheroes at the time, some never really were. There is an alcoholic, a sociopath, a disconnected man with the powers of a god.

One character in the book, Ozymandias, goes public with his identity and forges a business empire, with a fundamental piece being merchandising based on his former self. Action figures, cartoons, all that good stuff. The others are uneasy or offended by that move--it feels like a sellout.

But here we are. Watchmen action figures, journals, mugs, t-shirts, even a Nite Owl brand of coffee. All there.

This story, a comment on the myth of the superhero, has stepped into the shoes it criticized. It seems sad to me. Not that crass commercialization and the comic books don't go hand in hand. Many say it's what saved the industry in the 70s and 90s, but I'm still

(fourth tangent: the comic industry, despite having a few million monthly readers, has always been a bit shaky. Seems to be doing fine now, with all the royalties off superhero movies)

...really uneasy. These characters were never meant to be heroes, how can we have missed the point so easily?

for whom the bell tolls (the answer is zombies)

2009-07-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay, okay. I've always loved zombies, so I am very stoked on a book I was given my birthday. Brace yourself for a brilliant title:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

It's the original Jane Austen text, except parts have been added or modified so that there are zombies wandering all over England, with the Bennet sisters being the most accomplished, ruthless killers of the undead in their parish. You must read it. If you think Austen is boring, there is now violent zombie action to hold your interest. If you love the original book, the zombies actually manage the highlight how funny the original text is.

Among certain crowds this has caused an uproar, with some people call this sacrilege. Austen's new...er...co-author has taken on one of the towering giants of western literature. People love that book, don't you remember the BBC adaption? Or Kiera Knightly's? People love her!

Should we modify a text that's achieved a sort of sanctity nowadays? Maybe it's because this take suggests that the book is boring. Having read the original, I can say I respect it and enjoyed parts of it, but wouldn't take it up again. With zombies, though, it's much more entertaining.

Right on the heels of this book is JD Salinger suing a man for writer a sequel to A Catcher in the Rye. But this is a different situation. For one, copyright laws have expired on Austen. You can do whatever you want with her works, legally speaking. Two, this isn't an attack or a joke, it's kind of a remix. Like I said, having one of the most pulp symbols of our current lives casts the satire and (dare I say it) pop culture crush Jane Austen had into light. She didn't write about people, but artifacts of her culture. In a way, the original novel is camp for the 19th century, just done really well.

So go read it.

wet bamboo

2009-07-12T18:07:00.000-07:00

Discipline isn't about doing what you don't want to do. Most people think that, I did for a long time. Going to work (for some people most of the time, for all of us occasionally) isn't so much an act of discipline but an act of needing to pay the bills.

Discipline isn't about obligation, but priorities. It's choosing to pursue what you see the value in. I train because I love it and I know it makes me a better person--physically and mentally. When I'm sitting on the couch with my book, though, it's pretty hard to get moving. But I know, as I go to bed and reflect on the day I'd rather have practiced. So I do it.

...nearly all of the time.

But if I saw my practice as one more thing to get done, it would fall behind other priorities, stuff that seems more important because it demands to get done today. I need to go the registry, to study, whatever. I can't even imagine what that list looks like with a kid. By keeping what training does for me in front, though, I set my priorities properly by what does me the most good.

In other news, two months. Terrexited.

she has a book where she keeps track of all the lists

2009-07-03T12:00:00.000-07:00

I had to make a list of everything I was grateful for, as part of this challenge. My initial thoughts were the standard. Friends and family that challenge and support me, kung fu, books, school, etc. But then I thought about good chedder, loud music videos on youtube of people falling off trampolines, parks, getting stuck in traffic so I don't feel bad bringing the mosh while driving. Stupid, awesome things that belong in some weepy, fictional diary. Those are fantastic. So my list goes like this:

life, and all its associated frustrations

warm and fuzzy

2009-06-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

In Vancouver for the week, doing my challenge for the soul. Today I have to compliment (genuinely) someone every hour that I'm awake. This is an interesting one because compliments aren't normally something so mindful for me. I just compliment people when I have something to say. But it is a good idea, I should think, to be on a mission to make people feel good. Especially since in looking to compliment my friends and the like, I discover good things about others I hadn't known before.

My shoulder still hurts from the shows last week (I ran into a pillar and fell down a lot), but I can do pushups now. So that's something. For the record, all that was...kind of accidental. And totally worth it. I'm still taking it a bit easy so I don't make it worse.

movie poster ambitions

2009-06-23T00:33:00.000-07:00

This counts as last week's entry. Thinking that I had so little to do (that is, no job or school) has made me fill up my time more aggressively than normal, so blogging slipped my mind.

I'm back from Europe. It was fantastic. Often lacking the space, comfort or normal energy I bring to my usual training, I had to devise new ways to keep progressing and motivated. I was reflecting on this in Heathrow airport when I realized something important about progress.

Progress, I thought to myself, isn't just about skill or learning. Getting better as a martial artist means improving my kicks, punches, wisdom and compassion. But also it means improving how I approach my training. The best martial artists are the ones who are willing to adapt and improve how they train. I say they're the best because they will always improve at improving--which means that they will always get more bang for their buck.

Stunningly obvious, isn't it? I even said to myself, probably a little too loudly for sitting in a crowded airport, "well everyone knows that".

And we all do. But how many of us have taken the time to realize we know? I only fully got it two weeks ago, even though at school I've constantly honed how I study, research and write in order to allow my effort to take me further. So from now on, I'm going to start seriously examining how I train.

There is a 'challenge for the soul' that got kicked around Silent River last week. Once I've sold out and gotten a job (which will be in a few weeks) I'm going to do it. I want to wait until I'm around people more, especially strangers, because then I feel it'll have a greater impact. I admit straight up, there are parts of this I am not looking forward to doing--blogging about it even less. But after looking at the challenge I know that just means they will do me the most good. Stay tuned as I laugh, cry, love and show the world how just how far the bond between a small boy and his dog can go.

none of those things may actually happen.

today i heard a violin from some second story window, today i heard a singer forgetting her lines

2009-05-29T12:08:00.001-07:00

Support for the arts is an issue that gets a lot of talk. Last election in Canada there was a huge uproar over it, people demanding the government not cut funding to certain art programs. But I'm not here to talk (boring) politics.

I suppose large chunks of money are important when you want a huge symphony hall, but I don't think art needs support. Art, by nature, survives. When you're playing a basement or your paintings are hanging on the wall of a coffee shop (or your own wall, for that matter), that's thriving if you're doing what you love no matter the circumstances. Through that struggle, art becomes even more meaningful, maybe the only thing that gets a person through a 9-5 wage slave day.

Now what about our art? We often complain about something like support, about the world aligning to suit our training needs or skipping a day because we're sore. But that sort of support is fleeting at best. We will always have lives and bodies that get in the way of our training, but by setting our priorities properly, making the martial arts important enough for a struggle--well it becomes the most meaningful thing in the world.

the city of lights breeds good thoughts.

i kept saying that this place is beautiful in the summer, but that was only because i knew it would die

2009-05-28T01:49:00.000-07:00

I'm at a desk in a tiny, amazing parisian apartment. We got a lucky hook up for the place which ended up being cheaper than a hostel if we stayed long enough. Why wouldn't I want six days in Paris.

I can't see the Eifel Tower from the window, which is kind of nice. My view of Paris isn't iconic, but the street below (3 sex shops and all) still has that charm that only this city has. The kitchen is a microwave and a hot plate on top of a mini fridge but I would still live here without a second thought.

My shoulder's been acting up so I've fallen behind two days on pushups. That's ok, making them up is never a chore. I'm at the point where most of my daily requirements are no longer a concious desicion--I just do them as naturally as eating breakfast. Only when something goes wrong do I have do adjust and work things around it. It's a pretty fantastic feeling, plus it allows me to devote more energy to my practicing, knowing that my meditation, pushups/situps, running and the like more or less take care of themselves by virtue of routine.

One thing I'm regretting is that I didn't include enough projects--it's mostly stuff that extends the entire UBBt. My rationale was that moving to China is sort of putting that end of my life on hold, but these two extra months means that I could at least add a couple of things to my requirements.

Anyways, I'm in Paris! Woooooooooo!

the captain kept calling us landlubbers, but i had been born on the sea

2009-05-20T13:20:00.000-07:00

Today's backdrop for practicing was the rolling hills of Sweden. I felt like I should've been battling vikings or something.

Making up for last week, couldn't get any reliable internet in Amsterdam this weekend. That city was a real blast, bikes outnumber cars about 5 to 1 so we rented some and had a relaxing afternoon riding around. Instead of carparks they have a few multi level lots where you can just lock up your bike, in addition to the thousands that are locked up along the sides of the streets.

In Berlin we went to a jazz club in the basement of an alley and in Prague an old style pool hall which was just behind an unmarked door. Dig a little in some cities and the results are wild.

I'm beginning to recognize what the real value of the UBBT is for me. I've decided that my nomadic tendencies should be encouraged, so I'll probably end up doing a lot of extending travelling after my master's degree. Couch surfing, working odd jobs, all that fun stuff. Even if I have a real address, after China it won't be in the same city as Silent River and there's no way I'm leaving that behind. But the focus the UBBT brings to my training allows me to monitor and challenge my progress. I'm now learning the finer points of teaching myself through the test, especially as it gives me a common ground with those back at Silent River, so we can be training together half a world apart.

actung! landmine!

2009-05-10T13:55:00.000-07:00

In Vienna now.

Tai Chi in Crotia was fun, though on rocky, uneven coastal ground which made things awkward.

I paid 3 euros for standing seats to the opera. Impressive building, that's for sure. I stood for two hours (which was just the first act) listening to Wagner played by probably some of the best musicians in Europe. My interest in classical music has waned a bit over the past few years but this still blew me away.

Yesterday we saw that new Wolverine movie. It was weird and interesting to directly experiance globalization like that. Also what's been fun is trying to figure out the posters for Austria's upcoming election. This country's recent political history is pretty sketchy, with parties in control which have a facist whiff to them.

There is a lot of graffiti here speaking out against racism, which is sweet. I'm a huge fan of graffiti, though only the more artistic or political ones. Eastern Europe has been very exciting for that, especially here and Croatia. Trying to be a sharper observer of the cultures than I was last time has really made me think even more than usual about hierarchies and capitalism. It's nice to see such vocal resistance here.

Northbound next.

looooblyaaannna

2009-05-03T10:32:00.000-07:00

I'm in Slovenia right now, using some free wifi on my friend's tiny laptop. I'll repeat the important part: Slovenia.

(woooooooooo)

Just ambling around for the next month, taking in Europe. We rented bikes in Paris and weaved around traffic, then got ripped off by Switzerland in general. Having a general blast. Also, been mainly subsisting on bread and cheese but managed to eat some tasty Slovianian pizza for lunch.

Having some trouble keeping with my UBBT requirments here, mostly because of my mobility. I'm doing pushups and situps all over this continent, though. I need to learn how to practice while on the move, since I have a real nomadic streak in me. We're renting a super cheap apartment in Croatia, so I'm going to do some tai chi on the mediterranean coast.

the opportunities of incompetence

2009-04-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

Turns out I'm not leaving for China until the end of August now. I'm a little disappointed, mostly in myself as the delay is because of some mistakes on my part.

That being said, I'm still going to Europe for a month, leaving Monday. Exciting.

Secondly, summer in this city is sweet. I'm looking forward to working just enough to pay rent and spending most of my time with training and hangouts. I can't see how getting to see my friends more before I leave can be a bad thing.

pigs at the trough feel no fear, pigs at the trough slit and squeal

2009-04-13T16:16:00.000-07:00

On Friday I drove to Calgary with some friends. We were going down to pick up some equipment and see a show. The times, they were good.

We were in red deer on a bathroom break. Everyone else had gone inside and I was sitting on the curb by the car. I realized three things:

-No one has ever had a good reason to stay in red deer for longer than thirty minutes. Not once.

-If was another person walking through the parking lot and saw myself (shaved head, shorts, red shoes, squinty sort of look) I would have a small suspicion that I was about to be mugged. By myself. You know what I mean.

-Semi-aimless traveling makes me really happy. Going to another city to see a band and meet people is a really great experience. I like the feeling of bumming around a different place and meeting cool people/listening to good music. Planned, guided tours of the polished spots of something else have always been so much less satisfying to me than wandering.

The sun is out now, the snow melting. Every spring, being able to practice outside puts me in the best mood and the past two weeks have delivered.

the only way to wake up is with daft punk

2009-04-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

this I firmly believe.

Let's not ruin this with words.

the land of twang

2009-04-07T20:15:00.000-07:00

Postcolonialism has ruined me. But papers are done, so I can blog now.

Alabama was good times, enough people have expressed better than me how inspiring working with everyone was. The highlight for me was definitely meeting Dave Mcneil--a truly amazing man. Seeing Greensboro was staggering. The racism, poverty and a whole wack of other things floored me. A place like that simply shouldn't happen. But it's getting better.

I think one of the best parts of the trip was the past week, when people have asked me "so why were you down there?"

Quicker than they can react I whip out the spiel, hitting them with terms like "real self defense", "living the martial arts" and, of course, "out of the dojo and into the world". I've given some variant of the UBBT speech at least a dozen times and everyone has reacted fantastically. A few people I saw after a few days and they've told their family, other friends, even a professor or two. My friends are, for the most part, jaded punks or academics who are very good at dismissing everything. But I've found that enthusiasm shines through. I used to think inspiring people was hard, but all you need to do is have passion and be willing to show it.

Plus, some guy in Alabama said "howdy" to me. It was amazing. And Sifu Edge slit open my finger with a swiss army knife. For science!

poetry, etc.

2009-03-24T00:38:00.001-07:00

Sifu Terry Beckett turns 50 on Thursday--to celebrate she challenged the students and sifus on kwoon talk to write a poem. The subject was how we feel while working on a form or technique. To be honest, I didn't really do that. It's about kung fu, at least.

At any rate, I haven't decided if this is good or terrible, but she encouraged us to post it on our blog, so here it is. It's called 'Happy Birthday Sifu: A Study in the Mating Habits of Africanized Honey Bees When Exposed to Barry White.'

Ok, so the title is still a work in progress.

-----------

first direction

body input as a sense(s), twice removed from the inheritance of pain
the subject the subjectism
reinhabiting myself
twice removed.
form as meaning
(behind form)

second direction
the analogy of combat
enemies flicker on the cave wall I am weighed down sinking into removal

until the light becomes air the sunshine burns my eye out.
blind fighting never existed.
move back, once again
shed unreality
become form
as
become form
is.

third direction
is is isis
conceives horus.
tricks of the tongue become flashes of the fist.
meaning goes cave follows.
nothing left but process but form.
the eyes are growing back.
play it right,
we'll make it out alive.

no direction
four as not number
circles back to one
bowing
no applause sign, empty seats unreal
performing for a reflexive audience.

quiet as a mouse, big as a house

2009-03-24T00:15:00.001-07:00

The silence is done.

It's interesting to see my command of language in my postings begin to deteriorate after a few days. I miss pronouns, repeat myself sometimes and generally just write awkwardly. Despite how much I write for school and pleasure, it is still rooted in sound. Losing my sense of that sound really threw me off balance.

Whenever I had to deal with a stranger, I pretended to be actually mute. Most people were very accommodating (especially considering my terrible handwriting), but there were two cases (one at a shop, the other at the gym) when the other person treated me like I was an idiot. Even after explaining that I could hear fine, just couldn't speak, they both sounded their words out slowly and used very simple diction. They were basically trying to make me feel stupid.

Amongst friends or acquaintances, it was really cool. At the beginning, because of my ridiculous charades or writing things down I had serious trouble contributing to a conversation--by the time I had written my point down everyone had moved on. Pretty quickly, though, everyone had empathized and accommodated to the point where, hanging out in a group of 6 people, everyone would just stop talking if I was writing, giving me the chance to have my say. It was pretty touching. I also heard this joke about six times: "It's funny they call it a handicap, since it makes me like you more".

The impact was even more extensive. Sifu Prince mentioned that around me he felt the urge to not speak as well, which I found with a few more people. Others noted how they felt much more inclined to open up to a person who didn't say anything, since I was completely involved in the act of listening. I got a lot of confessions/revelations from unexpected sources.

I could see it inspiring people as well. My roommate was silent for a night to encourage me to extend my vow beyond a day and I answered many, many questions about learning how to truly listen and empathize, as well as the value of communication. I broke my silence (by saying "facetious is my favourite word") right before playing a set Sunday night, and so many people had heard and were talking about it that the simple line, without context, caused about half the crowd to applaud.

I don't think I truly captured how sublime talking felt last night. It was a sheer joy just to have a conversation, feeling language and form rippling across my tongue. Even though I've rediscovered the joy of speech, I think it'll be a good idea to talk a little less. The best lesson this week was that listening well is a full time activity.

regrowing the limb of language

2009-03-22T23:10:00.001-07:00

This is one of the best feelings of my life. Talking again has given words taste. I can feel the variations in sound across my tongue. The meaning hardly matters, just the experience of form. Amazing.

I'm going to bed, though. The first thing I did after not talking for 6 days was to scream for 15 minutes, so now my throat hurts.

up and in

2009-03-21T20:59:00.001-07:00

I was enjoying myself until today. I'm now pretty sick of it. Really would like to start talking.

One more day.

blah interrupted, extended

2009-03-19T15:21:00.001-07:00

I'm extending my muteness a little longer. Playing a show on Sunday night, so I can't resist the ridiculous melodrama of ending the silence with a scream.

Have slipped up twice so far. I said 'yeah' to a question from my housemate and thanked some random guy for moving out my way. Going to keep chugging along, though.

I'm going to wait to write a full report, don't want to fully reflect until the exercise is done. I did realize that if I did become mute, my chosen career would be closed to me. That sucks.

apparently the verb is 'to tweet'

2009-03-17T16:28:00.000-07:00

This is interesting. It'll probably be even more valuable if I extended it. Guess I have to do that. Midnight on Friday I'll break the silence.

Hope I don't say something stupid.

what is this, twitter?

2009-03-17T13:27:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to limit writing things down somewhat. Now I realize why charades is a game and not a way of life.

blah interrupted

2009-03-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

I've discovered I talk to myself a lot. Pretty much anytime I'm alone. This mute day is going to be tougher than I thought.

people that age

2009-03-16T23:13:00.000-07:00

I didn't blog last week. For some reason I thought my last one was on Tuesday or something. Whoops. Here's my makeup, then.

I'm starting to see a shift in direction in the way I approach my training and life in general. Even more so than usual I find myself endlessly fascinated by some little concept, taking it apart like a little kid with a watch. Getting so pedantic has caused me to rediscover my forms, especially my weapons. I'm redefining what is correct or perfect now, and am at the point where I can start to worry about which direction my spear blade is in when I'm spinning or stabbing. It's a great feeling.

I'm also beginning to learn the value of real puns. Not the stupid jokes (which are awesome in their own way) but turns of language. Words that are nouns and verbs are just getting cooler to me. Look at my title and switch how 'age' functions. That's what I think about.

I'm just pushing this blog further into obscurity.

Tomorrow (well I guess today because it's past midnight) is mute today. I'll reflect on the exciting adventures of saying even less than usual tomorrow.

wide awake and off to the races, out of gas and lost in space

2009-03-04T23:55:00.001-08:00

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to discuss immunizations for going to China. For some reason that makes this whole thing real. It hit me that I'm leaving in 4 months, full time training for a whole year. I've been dreaming about this since I was fifteen and now it's happening.

In two months I'm also graduating, finishing off a four year process. University has changed me so much it's hard to think about who I would be without it--just like with kung fu. I'm excited for grad school, though it will be hard. Plus when I get back from China I'll be immediately moving to a new city.

There is this cliff at the end of April with a sign labelled "WARNING: ADULTHOOD AHEAD!"

ohgodohgodohgodohgod

I'm a little terrified of moving to a new country to train with shaolin monks and then entering the world of serious academia, but starting something new has never been so exciting. These new chapters are what really shape people, I'm interested to see what sort of person I become over the course of the next few years.

The thought of getting a mortgage still makes me break out into a cold sweat.

left foot in, left foot out

2009-03-03T16:58:00.000-08:00

A friend mentioned 'Come On Eileen' offandedly today and now it's running through my head. I'm listening to it right now. I know everyone rags on the eighties, but when you consider this song, the Transformers cartoon, Black Flag and giant cell phones it doesn't seem that bad.

I was talking with a friend on the weekend (we were at a poetry reading, being super cool) and she asked me a very interesting question.

She said that since I'm the intellectual type (considering my foot spends most of the time in my mouth I'm sometimes surprised at this reputation), why do I spend so much time with kung fu, which she saw as a mostly physical activity. She could see me trying to keep fit, but didn't get why I was so passionate about it.

You all know that the martial arts have a hefty mental side to it, in the changes it promotes and the intense discipline/meditative states that are necessary. There's also a real satisfaction in figuring out how to do a technique properly, sort of like finishing a crossword puzzle. But there's another reason.

Like many of us, I started because of old hong kong action movies. Enter the Dragon was the tipping point, but I mostly grew up watching Jackie Chan. I wanted to be able to move like him, simple as that. Of course, you begin at the beginning, but it was so much fun and rewarding I quickly found a thousand other reasons to stay. That desire stayed in the back of mind, only surfacing years later.

I've always been pretty clumsy, I've gotten better but still am constantly tripping over things. So all the fancy techniques never came easy--usually I felt really awkward. When I was a green or blue belt, around 15, I practiced the flying spinning outside inside cyclone kick obsessively. One day I got it, which always happens eventually. For the first time I felt a little like Jackie Chan moved. I was invincible. That feeling has stuck with me today, and still remains one of my fondest memories: the sheer joy of the process.

There's no end product in kung fu besides myself. And that feeling of perfecting a technique for the sake of the technique alone, improving skill because it makes me a better person, is a lesson I try to apply to every part of my life. That's what it's all about.

terrible study techniques, volume eight

2009-02-28T14:02:00.000-08:00

Today's topic, class, is cramming.

...there's no one in this room. I'll still go on.

I had a schedule conflict last night, so I wasn't able to make it to class. Instead, I was playing a show, singing (ok, screaming) in the band Maus. The black belt class being the highlight of my week, I was a little disappointed, but getting to play a show is a ton of fun and only happens every month or two.

Right before we played, I was thinking about what I put into the black belt and I Ho Chaun classes: two hours of pure sweat, focus and intensity. So I decided I was going to take that work, especially the intensity, and cram it into the next 15-20 minutes of music. I wanted to try and be as exhausted and sweaty as I was every Friday night. It worked. My roomate's girlfriend called me 'crazy eyes' because of my high level of intensity. After just one set of 5 songs all I wanted to do was sit down.

This made me think about every technique or form I do. A rep of Kempo, for instance, is the culmination of my eight years of training. I don't know how many times I've done that form, but it's a lot. Add all the time of fine tuning certain parts of the form and I've spent a pretty decent chunk of my life practicing this form. All that is in the background for every rep, but I want to bring it up--cram all those years of practice into the next rep so I'm mindful of what I'm capable of.

Independent of this I've also been messing around with what I like to call 'flash meditation'. Master Brinker recommended to a class a while back to take a deep breath while saying "I'm breathing in" and then exhale with "I'm breathing out". That would bring us into the moment of whatever we were doing to appreciate it better. It's a great technique--what I've been trying is just taking five breaths while trying to zone out for just a second. Anytime I need to focus or really appreciate what I'm doing, I try to do 10 minutes of meditation in five breaths. It's pretty neat.

So think about what's behind all your practice, or even outside actions, and start cramming.

being positive is all a matter of charges

2009-02-22T22:03:00.001-08:00

I went skiing this weekend in Jasper, got home about two hours ago. I'm very tired. I didn't sleep well last night, I spent a full day on the slopes then was in a car for four hours. My bed is two feet away from where I'm writing this, and it looks very inviting. All that's left is 50 pushups and situps to finish my daily total.

I usually do this part of my UBBT no problem, even after much more exhausting days, but pushups are the last thing I want to do right now. Maybe it's the thought of going back to school after a week off or the fact that I was using muscles in a different way this weekend, I'm just completely drained. But I'm not going to skip them, despite how (unjustifiably) bad of an attitude I have right now. Because I know that the minute these take to do will pass no matter what. And I'd rather spend a minute making myself a better person than an extra one in bed.

Figure that's a good way to start the week.

just let me find my face and we can continue the interview

2009-02-18T20:25:00.001-08:00

I've been house-sitting for my parents for reading week, it's just been myself and our pets. I've been semi-productive.

I almost burst the pipes when I forgot to turn on the furnace before I left saturday morning.

Spent an hour or two talking to a pattern matching chat program: basically a computer program that is made to try and pass as human. I wasn't convinced, but it was fun trying to teach it the relationships between various words.

I also watched some tv. Now, I do watch the office at my house, but other than that I avoid it. It's horrifically boring. But I've had a few shows on here and there, mostly out of novelty. What I've found most interesting are the commercials.

I haven't actually paid attention to any sort of advertising in a long time and I'm struck by how irritating it all is. First, the sexism is blatant--so many commercials rely on 'woman love shoes! shoooooes!', sometimes to sell a product not even aimed at women (for instance, I just watched an insurance commercial that was going on about the husband working for his family, while the wife stayed at home and passively worried about the insurance payments). Mostly, though, they're just dumb. Unfunny, unoriginal dregs that shriek that we need to consume more. I'm not okay with someone yelling into my ear for twelve minutes of every half-hour to buy more junk in order to make myself happy.

Plus, out of train wreck curiosity, I watched a reality program called 'Paris Hilton's My New BFF', where a bunch of girls (and two guys) competed to become Paris Hilton's new best friend, basically by doing whatever she told them to do. The whole thing was such a consumerist, celebrity obsessive orgy that I had to do extra pushups just to calm myself down.

tv is the worst. Reboot did just come on, which is pretty awesome.

i is third

2009-02-17T21:53:00.000-08:00

I am an example.

Sometimes I make bad desicions--I waste time on wikipedia instead of working, I don't put all I have into a practice session. I wear t-shirts with offensive band names on them. Sometimes I have bad days. Most times I have good ones.

When I first thought of myself as an example, I saw eyes everywhere. What if someone saw that? What kind of example does that make me? I beat myself up for being human until I decided to start seeing my examples as human too. Then I relaxed, was who I was, who I am. Decided that only showing people a part of my life as an example wasn't a very good example. That even on my bad days I can maybe still inspire someone. If so and so slacks off, well, I shouldn't feel so bad. But then he or she snaps out of it and keeps going. If my examples are human but still do what they do, and if I can show people the same quality, isn't that so much better?

i is second

2009-02-15T23:15:00.000-08:00

I am a student.

I walked into the library once, not sure what I was looking for, so I just wandered around. The stacks seem endless if you look at them right. Rows of information, of thought. Some of the spines were too cracked to read the title, I didn't really mind. It was still there.

I stopped looking at the books, running my fingers over the covers instead. Rough canvas mixed with the inviting touch of worn leather. The presence of knowledge, thousands of voices talking to themselves.

I got to a section of phd dissertations, started looking again. Some had been turned into books, but not these. Most them were collecting dust. Each person had spent years working on it, pouring all they had into a few hundred pages of them. Each was only occasionally checked out by another academic. But it wasn't about who was reading, rather who wrote.

I waited until everyone else had gone home for the night. I pushed the couches against the door, blocking the world out and giving me space to practice. I settled down with the first thesis and never left.

flattened snakes and a cop in my bedroom, with empire hovering at the edges of my vision

2009-02-15T21:31:00.000-08:00

Anyone remeber the movie 'Hackers'? It's on right now--I'd forgotten that, in the 90s, screenwriters seemed to think that computers could do anything. Plus, so much rollerblading and neon.
...hack the planet.

I'm been thinking about empathy a lot, mostly what it's good for. What I think is that a deliberate lack of empathy is a cultural force today that is making the world a worse place--if not the cornerstone of the explotitive capitalism we operate on.

Our economic and political actions are guided by our cultural choices and attitudes--and a part of culture is what's considered normal. Many people latch onto the little everday deviations from the status quo: different forms of eating or sexuality, different kinds of music or clothing, of politics and thinking. By dimissing these things as weird, by mocking them even while professing acceptance, we create a rigid, narrow notion of what it means to be in our society. This happens all the time--what you may think is a harmless gay joke is pushing people outside of society.

This lack of empathy is the root of our problems. A combination of relentless social enforcement and apathy about what really matters. The only way we can go to war or exploit third world workers is if their way of life is unacceptable to us, and that begins at home.

So how do we gain empathy? There are two kinds--the everyday social intution, reading people and such. I'm bad at that kind, but that just makes me awkward. What I'm talking about is the in kind found in other people's shoes. Our culture is expanding, different kind of lifestyles are popping up every day. So next time you see someone not taking the beaten track, instead of just calling them weird, think about why they are living like that. The answer could be surprising, and maybe you'll be struck with the urge to dip your feet outside the maintstream.

readily ignored for the good of humanity (i are first)

2009-02-02T21:52:00.000-08:00

The I am project is a part of the UBBT in which I need to somehow talk about how 57 adjectives apply to me. I'll be posting all of these in addition to my regular postings. I'm gong to warn you all, while my blog is about communication, these will be more along the lines of expression. In other words, forget all of you in the nicest way possible, I'm writing whatever pops up.

So yeah, nothing else to do but do.

I am exuberant.

I'll inhabit a wasted day with nothing wasted, chasing imagination through the pain in my knuckles. Just keep telling myself tomorrow is an illusion, until one day I can forget what hasn't happened long enough to make something happen now. Keep going, keep going, the pain grows, I can't take but take it and then there is the one glorious second when my passion outstrips my body and I'm invincible. I collapse, thinking of old movies from the 70s and hope one day to fly--leaping off the roof long enough to forget the ground.

a funny thing happened on the way to the store

2009-02-02T20:12:00.001-08:00

Who says charity can't be fun?

Benefit show for the Silent River Benevolent Foundation--the community building arm of Silent River Kung Fu (ok, technically it's a separate organization). That's the back of my head on the right, responsibly wearing earplugs. The singer of a band called High Jinks is somewhere under that group. Photo by Andrea Janzen.

Doesn't my friend on the left look like a jaguar hood ornament? Oh, and he doesn't have jaundice. We think his neck is just the lighting.

Putting this on was a lot of fun, raising 1200 dollars in a night wasn't too shabby either. Entertainment for chairty is the way to go for fundraising, in my opinion. People would have come anyways, they also helped out. After the show someone told me that it felt good to have fun in support of something.

I've added the I am project to my list of requirements, so I guess I'll start that tonight. I'm going to go work on some logic first.

they're taking the hobbits to isengard! to isengard! to isengard!

2009-01-22T21:51:00.001-08:00

I don't spend a lot of time on youtube, but I see a few things. Including this. It's human tetris, but not the hilarious Japanese game show. Instead this is a stop motion art project simply representing the video game. As you're watching it, take a second to consider how much work this must have been--painstakingly moving each person to the next exact position. Some people might ask what it's good for.

It's not like this art will inspire revolution or social change--it's hardly a commentary on the idea of video games (though I think it does have some things to say about how we view the digital world). It's not really beautiful in a strict sense.

But it is one thing: awesome. Pure, unadulterated, home style, organically farmed awesome. Go watch it again. It's absolutely brilliant for no reason other than what it is.

I don't like it when people question the point of art. While subtext is vital to any artistic work, many things don't need a point or a movement. They're just fantastic. Spice of life, right there.

This video really illustrates my point. It's pretty stupid, I know. But watch it tomorrow morning and then just try to have a bad day.

i believe in something, but i don't know what it is. it's either the future or the end. it's every reason that i do or don't get out of bed.

2009-01-12T13:50:00.000-08:00

Defiance, Ohio=amazing band.

I was walking between classes (listening to that band/song, actually) today and the ground went something like this:

snowsnowsnowsnowsnowICEICEsnowsnowsnowsnow

At one point I slipped. I'll leave it up to you to figure out where.

I'm not the most graceful guy in the best of circumstances, so it's not like falling is exactly a new experience. Usually I breakfall or just kind of sit down, but today I stuck my hand out and nearly dislocated my shoulder. It was kind of disturbing for me: I've been practicing breakfalls for over eight years--normally they're automatic.

For those of you playing along at home, there's a lesson to this. No matter how ready you think you are, sometimes you're not. Prevent this by practicing, you all know this--long and hard, sometimes under induced pressure. But stuff happens--whether a slip, important form, tough sparring match or a real self-defense situation, sometimes those ninja skills seem to abandon us under pressure.

Beyond practicing twice as hard afterwards, the only thing to do when you're floundering is work through it. For me that involved a dust off and my best attempt at a casual shrug, hopefully for the benefit of that cute girl walking behind me. A fall is over quickly though, other times when we become skill-less can last a while. In that case, take a breath, stay calm and remind yourself you know it and can perform. If that fails do what I did and try to make it seem like you meant to screw up.

Not that it did me any good.

we control the vertical, we control the horizontal

2009-01-08T23:14:00.000-08:00

There is something I should clarify.

I've written a lot about the punk and hardcore communities, but I don't want anyone to think that I consider them perfect little worlds. There are stupid people in both--sexism in hardcore, for instance, is a persistent issue. But we're rebellious and working on it. We want something better from the world and have decided not to sit around and hope we can elect someone who will do it for us. We're making a better world for ourselves--that's the point. I don't delve into the issues of punk and hardcore because I know most of you don't care.

There are also two kinds of hardcore scenes. The first is young men who are probably on steroids writing terrible, chuggy music that glorifies violence, homophobia and other bad stuff. As far as I'm concerned what I participate has nothing to do with those bands or individuals. I don't respect them at all and don't want to associate with them.

The other kind, or 'real' hardcore for the purists, is diverse in style (within reason) and participants. More nice people. The problem is, when most people think of my subculture, they think of the first kind since it's better known. Please, try not to.

Also, why do I write about this so much? Well, not only is it a huge part of my life, it's also something fairly unique that I can bring to the UBBT table. We all know how great the martial arts are: that's why we're here. In talking about my loud music, I'm trying to show the impact its had on my life as well as further demonstrate the power of a real community.

i may burn this all down if gas goes below fifty cents

2009-01-08T18:32:00.000-08:00

I was in Vancouver this past week visiting friends and have two pieces of advice. First, Excellent Sushi downtown on Granville St. 22 rolls for five dollars. Secondly, go to Uncle Fatih's Pizza right outside the Commercial drive Skytrain station and order a slice of potato pizza. It'll change your life.

I've also revised some of my opinion on buying used. While I still love the idea, I've decided it's more ethical to buy DIY goods new. By DIY I mean a t-shirt/record from the band who are struggling to eat while on tour or a lovingly crafted piece of art or zine (not that anyone charges for zines). The whole point of buying used is to not buy (ha, ha) into the corporate mentality--the consumer treadmill I talked about in my last post, and I feel a good way to resist that is to support those who are trying to do what they love outside of the corporate mainstream.

This have gotten me thinking quite a bit about what I buy into on a daily basis. As most of you know, I consider myself in subculture of hardcore, but what does that mean? Most of my close friends are punk/hardcore types, I go to shows, listen to the music, consider and discuss ideas that come out of hardcore, have ideas about what my subculture should look like--all sorts of neat stuff.

But I still am sitting in my house in Edmonton. I'm still a privileged Northern citizen with a car (well, kind of) and disposable income. More importantly, I participate in this culture. The question one of my Vancouver friends raised is: why should I?

Why should I count myself as part of a culture that tells me that I have to be rich to be happy? That tells me that I'm somehow better because I'm male and white, somehow worse because I'm young? Why should I bother with something that wants me to beg at the feet of politicians for any real change? That tries to make me profit off the backs of third world labourers all while dulling my brain on cotton candy entertainment? Why should I let this culture take my power away?

In the UBBT we talk a lot about changing the world. I think I've got a different view on it, that too many are settled with the way things are and we aren't going to wake enough of them up. In order to truly change the world there would have to be such massive economic and class restructuring that we would lose the lives we're used to. And we're comfortable with the power structure, because the middle class of North America or Europe are pretty near to the top. At some point we sold our true power as individuals for the shirts in our closets and the trappings of a modern life, for some, are too good to give up.

But a subculture (in the real sense, not the I shop at Hot Topic because no one understands me sense) can let me help create a space away from the mainstream where I do have power as an individual. That's what I want: for people to reject the mainstream and recreate the world as they wish. For example, I don't think racism can ever really be overcome--despite the colour of a president's skin. There are still many racist individuals and institutions out there. The best thing would be to change their minds--I doubt that'll happen. In my view, they can just go off and be racist by themselves, if they wish to act like that then they aren't welcome in the culture I want.

Now you all don't have to go about this as angrily as I am. You can, of course--a good way to start some sort of rude gesture at a Wal-Mart. Anyway, the subculture of martial artists has great power to redefine our worlds. The UBBT is perfect for this, especially because self-improvement is a key step in this process. But please, my fellow UBBT team members, recognize that a big chunk of our society is against us in this endeavor of changing the world, that our culture is in fact built to resist any positive change. So instead maybe we should kind of start fresh, while encouraging people to do the same. Let's take our power, starting with the power we hold over ourselves.

Writing this got me pretty worked up but I have to go back to studying latin. Get ready for some super intense verb conjugations!

the path to enlightenment now comes in a plastic bag (2/10)

2008-12-22T10:08:00.000-08:00

I spend most of the winter holiday season trying to enjoying the time off with my family and friends. It's difficult for me because this is the time of year where the horrific consumerism of our world comes flying at everyone full throttle. Every time I see a Hummer idling in the parking lot of a toy store I get a little nuts. Not slash their tires nuts, but I certainly am not happy with the way things are.

The dream of a industrialized family seems to be unending comfort--being rich enough to worry about things that don't matter. This time of year reminds me mostly of how immature and trivial people need to be in order to participate in consumerism. The treadmill of always buying the latest version is shocking in its waste and unerring message that "if you really loved your family, you need to spend more money."

Forget that. As part of my UBBT, I am buying nothing new (besides the obvious exception of food and other things that don't come used--like underwear). Now, I accidently bought something new around three weeks ago (I wasn't paying attention and thought I was buying it used, which is stupid of me), but otherwise have been good. In conjunction with this, I am trying to cut severely down on my spending--because most of the crap we buy we neither need nor really want. There is a gaping maw in all of us--call it ennui, malaise, or plain boredom. Many just buy silly crap in order to distract themselves from an empty life. But others lead a full life. So kill your television, don't set foot in West Ed this season, spend time with your friends and practice your heart out because even I have figured out that's what matters.

Which leads me to my second living hero. Thomas Pynchon is the author of several books, including my all time favourite: The Crying of Lot 49. His works have been called 'hysterical realism' and are dense and complex as well as very funny. While Lot 49 is a short, intense book, his most well known novel, Gravity's Rainbow is a sprawling epic of headache proportions. He has won several prestigious awards, including the National Book award and nearly the Pulitzer (the jury unanimously recommended it but the Pulitzer board rejected them and no prize was awarded).

He has also never accepted these awards in person--for the National Book award he hired a comedian to pretend to be him, it's pretty funny. There are very few photos of him and he has pretty much avoided any contact with journalists for the past forty years. I'm sure the guy is a bit shy and reclusive and I don't recommend this sort of life. After all, he has the means to have a decent chunk of the world listen to him and chooses not to, which is a waste considering the power of ideas. But there is something else in that reclusiveness.

In the primped up, self-important and overly romanticised world of literature, Pynchon rejects the glamour of being an author. Now I could be wrong about this, he just might be shy but still have a shrine to himself in his house, but it at least seems like he doesn't want to win awards or go on talk shows, but rather write. That's what I like and that's an important lesson. Strut around telling everyone you've got a black, brown or whatever coloured belt and you will end up in trouble. Get in a hissy fit because you think your martial art is the best (if you're curious what I mean, venture out on to the wasteland of the internet and see) and you will be contributing to some of the major problems facing the martial arts today.

But if you practice and never forget the love of just studying kung fu, if you can find as much enjoyment in countless reps of kempo as a flying spinning kick--then you'll have caught on to both my points.

i bet the queen of england has no friends

2008-12-18T16:01:00.000-08:00

My roommates have started reading this blog--so hello there roommates. I wasn't comfortable with them doing so, it took a fair bit of persistence for them to get the address out of me. In retrospect, I'm not entirely sure why I was so resistant to them reading this--it's hardly like I'm not proud of what I write here.

Firstly, I don't exactly like the idea of having a blog. Most blogs are just self-absorbed navel gazing and I was worried that I would fall into that trap, thinking that for some reason the internet needs to hear about my day. But snobbery aside, I feel somehow that my private and kung fu lives should be separate. I'm perfectly willing to talk someone's ear off about kung fu or write a blog posting about philosophy or music I like, but it seems to me that somehow Graham (hey, guess what--that's my name) and Sifu Robertson are two different people.

A good example of this is my heroes posting about Adam Morton. One of my roommates noted that I didn't include any sort of criticism or cons about professor Morton, which is a good point. Now, I doubt any students or black belts would have felt comfortable with that. There's a supposition of authority as a black belt, I'm supposed to know what I'm talking about. But to my friends, I'm just myself--free to make mistakes, etc. Do my friends challenge me to improve by not knowing me thourgh my status/accomplishments? Or by forefronting my position, does it carry a responsibility to blog the best I can?

Heh, I bet you were all expecting me to answer that question.

i'm pretending it's sunday so this counts as last week's entry

2008-12-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about unobservables, which is completely a noun. They're a hot topic in the philosophy of science, because it's actually kind of hard to tell whether some very tiny things exist.

Take neutrinos for instance, which are a type of particle that are streaming through your body right now with no effect. They in fact can go through a mile of lead without reacting to it. But they are involved in some stuff, such as solar flares. Detecting them involves (I'm not kidding) a gigantic vat of cleaning fluid buried underground becoming slightly radioactive over time.

But what if neutrinos don't exist and this indirect observation of them is caused by something else? It's perfectly plausible: since you can't just point to a neutrino, maybe they're imaginary. Now, one obvious answer is to point to the success of science at this sort of thing. Scientists are pretty good at predicting phenomena they can't observe--only to have it confirmed later when the technology advances.

Another argument is to simply ask why we should care if neutrinos exist. All we should talk about is if this theory is useful at making predictions and such. It doesn't matter, in a sense, what these unobservable things are. Those of you playing along at home might be thinking to yourself: "hmm, isn't there something at kung fu we can't observe, but prove through its effects?"

Well good job, rhetorical device! We have, of course, chi. I know some people are uncomfortable with, or at least sceptical of, the concept of a mysterious energy (characterised by some sources a breath) that pervades all living things and the earth. But the wacky stuff that many of us are capable of and the utterly mind-blowing feats performed by masters around the world should at least let you know that something is going on.

If you're not sure what it is and don't like that fact, just relax, maybe chi exists, or perhaps it's neutrinos that gives people strength without using their muscles. Point is, whatever causes these things is, well, causing it—so calling it chi can be seen as a handy marker.

Not a very funny entry. I'll try and liven it up:
Tom was brushing his teeth one morning when he bumped into the sink. "Oh no, I've knocked over my toothpaste!" He said, crestfallen.

oi oi oi vs iss iss iss

2008-11-23T16:48:00.000-08:00

Hey, look at that: blogging on a Sunday. I feel like I should go get streamers or something.

So I was talking with my roommate when a mutual acquaintance was mentioned. "Hey," he said, "did you know she used to be a neo-nazi?" Those kinds of people do exist in this city. While their community is (thankfully) not thriving like it is in Calgary, they are around. Going to punk and hardcore shows I occasionally see white power types, though not so much anymore--I'll get back to that later.

Apparently this girl, who I might add is a very sweet and gentle person nowadays, doesn't like to mention her past. When my roommate was at the beach with her and several people she kept her shirt on over a swimsuit, only taking it off to go swimming and then putting it immediately back on. That's when he noticed she had a few...unsavory tattoos, including a 1488--which is connected to a very nasty pledge regarding white power (14 words, 88 letters). When he asked her about it, she blushed and said, basically, "I was 14 and influenced by the wrong people, and I've kept these as a reminder to think for myself".

I have a little theory that everyone is an idiot until they hit around 17 or 18. Myself, your mom and Neil Armstrong included. At 14 we are all obsessed with being liked and finding some identity we can call our own. If I had happened to hang around some older kids at 14, 'cool' ones who made me feel liked, perhaps I would've ended up with a swastika on my shoulder. But I didn't, even at around that age I at least had an idea about critical and positive thinking.

Now, my parents--what with all their good, um, parenting--obviously had a huge influence on me, but once you become a dumb teenager their advice doesn't seem that great, plus you hardly see them: you're at school, or a friend's, or holed up in your room. It's also important to note that it's not like I wasn't directly exposed to that sort of discourse like many kids. I decided it was a bad idea because of two things: kung fu and loud music.

I said before that I hardly see neo-nazis at hardcore shows anymore. Why? Because we forced them out, told them they weren't welcome. When they got violent (as racism is, fundamentally, violent) we stood our ground and let them know we were not afraid. We didn't accept that hatred and violence at our shows, especially because of the community's diversity. In conjunction with an group of people formerly known as the 780 Anti-Violence Coalition, the hardcore scene is now one of the safest and accepting musical communities in the city. Punk and hardcore are about empowerment, making your own choices. They're also about resistance, not accepting the status quo, such as the polite racism that pervades many aspects of modern society. The best way to do this, we feel, is to create safe spaces where people, usually young ones, can thrive.

Most kids who self-identify as punk, or even regularly listen to the genre, are not popular. It may be by choice or accident, but they aren't-- and when you're in high school and stupid it seems to matter, even a little. I know kids in the scene who come from dysfunctional homes, some bordering on horrific. There are a large section of teenagers who don't feel wanted and if they fall in with the wrong crowd they go along with it. Gang violence is essentially the same thing. But this music, through its lyrics, activism and communities tell a different story: one where things like racism can be overcome, or at least shut out. More importantly, it also communicates an empowerment, allowing people to become who they want to be.

At Silent River it was more explicit. Since I was thirteen I've gone to that place 2-4 times a week to be told that I can achieve any goal and make whatever of myself I want to as long as I follow through. I get to be around other people who are incredibly positive because they know the value of their kung fu. In essence, I get to see and experience self-determination in action: people thinking for themselves and deciding their lives.

Joe Strummer and Dave Weinberg taught me to never stop questioning or shut up, to never sit down just because someone told me to and to respect everyone. Master Brinker taught me to always move forward, learn from anyone I meet, and walk whichever walk I say I will.

Because of that I don't have any racist tattoos. Oh, plus I was terminally broke as a teenager, so even I had been a neo-nazi I probably couldn't have afforded it. The first reason is a little more inspiring.

(anyone who knows who dave weinburg is without resorting to google gets 5000 graham points--save up a million and you can redeem them for a pony)

so unspooky

2008-11-04T13:08:00.000-08:00

I posted this over at Silent River's digital Kwoon, then forget to paste it here. Whoops. Keep in mind this was supposed to be on Friday.

---------------------

I just remembered it was hallowe'en. I definitely knew this morning because I saw some people in costume, but the fact that I can get so absorbed in my studies in the span of 4 hours I forget is quite something.

Schoolwork over that past two weeks has been different. I've always worked fairly hard, but the decision to go to grad school has given me new found purpose. For the past two weeks, when I wasn't at kung fu I was studying at school, usually only coming home at 10 o'clock. But I feel so energised. When I'm slacking off is actually when I feel less relaxed, because I know I have no reason for it. But just losing myself in the things that interest me most, especially when I do it with focus and direction, gives me this deep sense of satisfaction that makes me appreciate what I can do.

This has got to be one of the most positive blog entries I've done. I should try balancing it out.

...after a few minutes on google I found a website called 'The Saddest Thing', where people submit things that are really sad. Go find it, read the top ten, then thank me for RUINING YOUR WEEK.

if anyone is wondering, i have the final answer to everything. you'll have to earn it though.

2008-10-31T14:28:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine, who is an atheist, was recently bemoaning the fact that there are many people now who can be called 'atheistic followers'--just as closed minded and hostile as feels some fundamentalists are. He told me that he had always considered 'free-thinking' an atheistic quality, but now saw that there are, to put it simply, good people and jerks on both sides. He then jokingly said how he needed a new way to divide the world with him on the good side.

It got me thinking about how there is no truly satisfying way to do it. The problem is that people are never just one thing: there are fun, open minded people who are jerks; boring, ignorant types who are smart and nice, etc. etc.

I don't really see the point, myself, in trying to search for a quality to value above others. I think that people are a mix of contradictions, values, tastes and often enough, bad ideas. Just take people as they come, I say. I mean, I wouldn't want to hang out with a neo-nazi, that's obvious. But perhaps they still have something to say that could make me think--even if I passionately disagree with it. Seeing them as only ridiculous means that I commit the error of thinking I'm better than them, that I'm part of some elect group that really knows what's best. That sort of thinking is what lead to eugenics.

Point is, no matter what it is you don't like people to be: stupid, mean, ignorant, too nice, right-wing, left-wing, pro life, pro choice, feminist, misogynist, whatever. They're not going away. Yet many people (especially in the states) seem to think that if they happen to win a shouting match then their opponent will just burst into flames. Michael Moore and Bill O'Reily are the two best examples.

Master Brinker always tells me that to shove an idea someone's throat, you have to get them to open their mouth first. To change someone's mind is not to batter it until they submit, but help see the value and reason of your position. Furthermore, maybe the best idea isn't to change people's minds, but make sure they think about why they hold to something and encourage them to use empathy in order to entertain other positions.

Or we could all just kill each other. Whichever works best for everyone.

In other news, it has been a long week. I'm a little behind but that's what the weekend is for. I find it hardest to practice when my mind is tired. My body I can pull along pretty much under any circumstance, but after a paper that makes it feel like my brain has been deep fried all I want to do is stare at a wall. I can still do that during pushups, I guess. Anyhow, back to work.

beards and glasses everywhere--(1/10)

2008-10-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

So I spent the weekend at the Western Canadian Philosophical Association annual conference, held conveniently right here. It was a fantastic time and occasionally over my head, but hey--I think I learned more in three days than over the past two months of school. I'm not going to get into many details because, well, most of you will find them boring. A while ago I wouldn't have recognized that and would've gone into a little story about contrastivism, I guess I'm growing.

Ok, now I have to at least sketch out what contrastivism is because I'm no fan of cliffhangers. It's the statement 'S knows p rather than q' as opposed to 'S knows p'. Basically, it's a claim that all knowledge is in relation to what it's not. So when I look at water, I know it's water because it's not cola.

This stuff is fun once you get into it.

Two things have happened as a result. Firstly, I've gotten off the fence and decided that, after China, I will go to grad school and become a philosophy professor. It feels nice to finally have made a decision about the direction of my life and while there will be a lot of work, the best of life requires it. Plus I already have a beard to stroke while pondering.

Side note: so many beards. At least half of the men there had one.

Secondly, I was also inspired to start my living heroes project with one of the few heroes that I've actually met. So here's Adam Morton.

Morton is a professor of philosophy at the University of Alberta. Before that he taught at Bristol and received his Phd from Princeton. He is a fellow of the Royal Society of Canada (a big deal), chairs the Canada Research Council on Epistemology (another big deal) and is a past president of the Aristotelian Society (a huge deal). The man even has his own Wikipedia page, much harder than it seems. Point is, he carries a large stick in modern philosophy and I'm fairly certain he's the cleverest man I've ever met.

Now, I said cleverest, not smartest. While I'm sure he's way up there in terms of IQ, what always impresses me more is his razor sharp logical facility and unending thirst for knowledge. He didn't present any papers at the conference, but instead was content to sit and learn.

Being in his sixties and with the reputation he does have, Professor Morton could easily rest on his laurels. Yet he is still publishing papers and writing books. I've only taken one class from him way back in my first year, but I've never forgotten his incredible thirst for knowledge and the sheer delight he takes in teaching and researching the same subject he has been for thirty or forty years. The awe and humility he approaches philosophy reminds me of how Master Brinker always insists (and exemplifies) that we should never get tired of kung fu and also never stop having fun with it.

He's also legendarily absent minded, probably because he has so much to think about. Plus the guy can unicycle, how cool is that?

Super cool, for those of you wondering.

dead (broken (dead)) robots littered on the ground, silicon a poor substitue for gore

2008-10-17T10:24:00.000-07:00

My computer is dead. It lasted an impressively long time considering how many times it was dropped or knocked off my desk by a dog. Ah well, such is life. I still have ready access to a computer through school, but I'll probably only be on when I have to do some work. I have no plans to get another one. Sorry, I do have plans to get another one, just no money.

The reason I'm telling you all this is that as a result my kwoon talk/SRKF sifus postings and my email reponses will be at a snail's pace. Please don't take it for indifferance.

So I'm back

2008-10-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

...though I would say I never really left. I have a paper journal full of entries from the past 5 months, so there. So why did I leave and why am once again posting here? I'll answer the latter later. That just rolls of the tongue: latter later.

Honesty is the best policy (though Woody Allen once pointed out that implies dishonesty is the second best policy) so I'll be straight: I'm publicly journaling again because I have to. Under Master Brinker, myself and several other black belts are student members in something called the Ultimate Black Belt Test, which is going to last until February 2010. Looking at the end date, I just realized how far in the future that is. 2010! If there hasn't been a robot uprising by then I'll be sorely disappointed.

I had a point, at one point. It was that as part of the UBBT I have to publicly journal once a week, most likely Sundays. I missed last week--here I am making it up. Now, just because my hand is being forced doesn't mean this won't be a positive thing. In fact, I'm pretty happy I got this kick in the pants to blog again.

I stopped blogging because my re-reading my posts annoyed me. As many of you know, I have a lot to say...er, write. Whatever. But this little slice of tube was a soapbox a mile high. I got sick of ranting instead of saying something. That's not a failing of the medium, it's of me. After all, it's easy to write an essay on how important DIY ethics are. They're everywhere here. What's hard is to convince people why they should care. I'm not even going to do that, though. I'm coming at you all sideways by doing something I hate: talking about my life, referencing all this boring social/philosophical stuff in how it relates to day to day stuff. It'll probably just little bits, but who knows, I may confess to some horrible crime on here--wouldn't you hate to miss that?

So stay tuned: bat channel, bat time and so forth.

so i have internet again

2008-05-15T22:18:00.000-07:00

Actually, I've had it since the weekend, but I've been busy. You know how it is. Hurray for posting again!

What a day to do so, seeing as it's Bloggers Unite day (one would think I plan for these fantastic coincidences). Basically, bloggers all over the world are uniting to discuss one of several topics pertaining to human rights. This is a fantastic show of solidarity, as hundreds of thousands of bloggers and others today are talking and letting themselves be heard. Now, I'm tired and still have some exercises to do before I can sleep, so expect a longer post later about blogging/journaling as a whole, for now I'll just give an opinion.

Before I start that I just want to point out how much any word that is a derivative of 'blog' eats away at my brain. I can tolerate blogger but anyone saying 'blogosphere' within a 50 foot radius of me will get to see a real, live mental breakdown.

The topic I chose is the prisoners of Guantanamo Bay. Most of you know the facts, if you want Amnesty's take on it check it out here. The story is everywhere on the net, so I won't go into detail about the alleged torture, sexual and mental degradation, and horrific conditions. I'll keep it simple: if you do not treat your enemies with respect then you're simply warring, not protecting people. If you subvert the very laws you allege that this 'struggle' is about, then they are worthless. Tear it down. It isn't our country but it is our world.

One of the major sticking points is Omar Khadr, a Canadian Afghani who was 15 years old (along with 3 other under 18 soldiers) when he was taken into custody 6 years ago. There is also a severe lack of evidence that he killed an American medic during a firefight, which is his charge. Yet Canada has not secured his release. We are the only industrialized nation which has not done so for prisoners with respective citizenship. That is a disgrace, so call or write someone who depends on your votes and tell them. Most of all, let none of us forget that those prisoners are human beings and should be treated as such.

i've got a secret for you: no truths

2008-04-21T03:00:00.000-07:00

This was originally posted on Kwoon Talk, for posterity's sake I'm putting it up here as well. A movie came out in 2006 called "The Secret". It's a lazy piece of filmmaking that teaches further laziness. Here's why.

This purported 'secret', the 'Law of Attraction'
that has been kicking around for the past 30 years or so, is nothing
more than the quick-fix material culture packaged as spiritual
wisdom. For those of you who haven't watched the movie, the tenet is
that 'like attracts like'--if you think positive, good things will
happen to you. You want that promotion? Visualize it, believe it
will happen, and poof! There you are. The movie even claims it will
cure serious illness. The three steps are "ask, believe, receive".
In other words if you want something: wish for it, believe it will
happen, and then it will.

First off, if you have cancer, chemotherapy will do much more for it.
All the evidence around this 'law' is anecdotal, which means that even
if it were true, due to the positive self-selection effect this method
is on par with random chance. There is also some pseudo-scientific
mumbo jumbo about how it is based on quantum physics. This is so far
off base it makes my head hurt.

In addition, the movie puts forward that the law of attraction has
been suppressed by those in power (hence the movie title) , but there
have been 'secret teachers' throughout the ages who have achieved
success and in fact taught this. Some examples are Plato, Carl Jung,
Siddhartha Buddha, Issac Newton and Aristotle--who did not teach this
in any way, shape or form. They also take a Winston Churchill quote
out of context which makes him look like he supports such theories,
when in fact he's calling it nonsense. Oh, and apparently Beethoven--
an incredibly short tempered man who battled depression for most of
his life--was all about the positive thinking.

Like I said, I have no problem with positive thinking. But that is a
tool to help you go about achieving your goals. What this sort of
thinking does is tries to portray everything as so easy. In doing so
it places the blame of circumstance on the person. The 2 or so
billion people who don't get enough to eat every day? Why, they're
just not wishing hard enough! I also find it curious how the film is
so focused on material goods--probably due to the target demographic.
The numerous movers and shakers in history are mentioned for a very
specific reason, to take the blame of self off the person. I'm sure all Victor Hugo did was wish hard enough and believe that it would happen, then sat back and Les Miserables just popped out of nowhere. No thousands of hours of frustration and hard work. No doubt and confusion--it just went along easily with no troubles because he assumed it would. Ridiculous.

True positive thinking is extremely important, but doesn't ignore
reality. It also isn't lazy. You can believe all you want, but don't
put the work in and don't have the conviction of purpose, it won't
happen. Anything that promises a shortcut like this is a lie. Even
worse, it's a lie that people think they can get away with because
they assume those listening aren't going to bother trying something
significant. It takes the onus off the individual to actually do
something. No wonder I gave up the cello and now can't play like Yo-
Yo Ma, some person probably said to themselves, I didn't have this
secret. It had nothing to do with hard work or desire for excellence!

In life, sometimes you will be sad, other times happy. Nothing will
change that. Furthermore, if something is worth doing, it will be
hard and will take a long time. Along the way, at times, you will
have doubts and feel bad about yourself. Everyone does. But it's not
mindless, blissful ignorance of that reality that will see you
through. It is the knowledge that what you're doing is worth it and
the confidence that you can see it through. Assuming that blind hope
will make all your problems go away just sets you up for a bad fall.
Instead of believing that the cosmos will arrange everything so you
can just glide through life, believe in yourself and then prove it.

your pretty plastic skin, meant to look like porcelain, shines with the congealed grease of leftover dollars

2008-04-16T14:29:00.001-07:00

So there has been a lot of talk about Dove's 'campaign for real beauty' and how laudable it is for taking a stand against portrayal of women in the media. I couldn't disagree more. I think that campaign is one of the worst things to happen to discussion of the female image in the past decade.

Portrayal of physical attributes (of both sexes) is a serious issue, especially with the rise of eating disorders. For instance, recent statistics suggest that France has upwards of 40,000 anorexics, most of them under 25. But encouraging people to be skinny is not the issue. If the standard of beauty was people who were overweight--like it is in some central African countries--then we would have teenage girls overeating to get towards that. Fashions in body types change almost every decade. Furthermore, people have individual tastes towards certain physical attributes. What I find attractive in a women will be markedly different from the next guy (or girl, if she's 10-20% of the population). While of course we should push for appreciation of the qualities that matter, physical attributes do exist, and outside of social constructions people will still have tastes--though they should be more divergent than we see now.

The real issue I have with advertisers is not they are encouraging a certain body type, it is that they are turning our bodies into products. It doesn't matter what body type they're pushing, it is simply the fact that they are constructing a standard which they can sell. We are being sold our bodies--being taught they are products, end results as opposed to constantly fluctuating processes. Own ownership of our own physical identity has been stolen.

So any beauty company is damaging because of that. Dove is even worse, the lowest of the low, because it doing more than the skinny models in magazines. Dove is not only making the body a product, but also politics. Critique of body identity, mostly pushed by feminist thinkers, has exploded in the past 30 or 40 years, and is reaching a fever pitch. So what does Dove do when this glimmer of independent thought begins to take shape, threating the very modes of thinking the company is based on? They peddle their stuff based on it! The people of Dove are not trying to redefine beauty, they're trying to get you to buy stuff by creating a false image that is palatable to your politics.

Here is a quick survey of the different types of products (usually 5-10 individual ones in each category) I found on the Dove website: day creams, night creams, cleaners, cleansing cloths, shower soaps, hand soaps, shower gels, facial masks, facial toners, body oils, hand oils, body lotions, facial lotions, hand lotions, and a shampoo for every conceivable type of hair. That sure looks like 'real beauty' to me. Empty wallets, too. If Dove really cared about redefining the standard of beauty to one more resembling reality it would have shut down by now.

Now, I'm not saying to not shower or get your hair cut. What I am saying is that to not think for a second that shopping at Dove does your part for the actual battle for physical identity. All it does is make that company money. Boycott these anti-aging wrinkle cream pushers--not just Dove, all of them. There are plenty of products out there that will make you smell nice and your skin soft without turning you into a patsy. Don't let yourself be lulled into a false sense of accomplishment while ignoring the real issue.

Anyone trying to sell you something is not on your side, simple as that. That includes products, religions, politics, and lifestyles. I'm not even on your side, I'm tying to make you come around to my way of thinking. It's even worse, though, when a company using a false image of social change to sell you things you don't need that contributes to the problem. Buying into Dove's lies only makes this problem worse.

As Desmond Tutu said, "I am not interested in picking up crumbs of compassion thrown from the table of someone who considers himself my master. I want the full menu of rights." Redefining the standard of beauty is not going to solve anything. We need to do away with the very notion that there is one beauty to move towards, and the first step is to make the people and companies who profit off of that fade away. Doing so will tear down a wall that has been put up by these people and one that has been standing far too long: the barrier between us and our bodies.

this one is probably too grave for an ironic title...too late!

2008-04-08T00:57:00.000-07:00

So Sifu Edge has put forward an interesting question on Kwoon Talk about changing the world. You should go read the whole post, and if you don't know what Kwoon Talk is, I am shocked someone not from Silent River is reading this. How's life in the blogosphere? Is it irrelevant? It sure seems that way.

Basically, she sees a dilemma in how to live her life. Should she work to make the world a better place, or spend her time enjoying her life?

I'm going to be a real jerk and answer that question with an old story, one of my favourites. Those who have read Pirsig (which is many of you) will remember it. The famed zen master Joshu was walking along with a friend of his, who turned and asked "Can a dog attain Buddha-nature [enlightenment]?" Without breaking stride or even looking over, Joshu replied "Mu."

'Mu' is a Japanese term which roughly translates as 'neither yes nor no'. It means that the possible answers do not fit the question. That's exactly what I'm doing here. I'm muing. Mooo.

The way I see it, you work hard, do what you can, then go relax with your friends. People manage to combine work, school, hobbies, families, and friends--why should your outlook change that?

But at first glance it does appear to be a valid question. This is because there is another one implicit in this dilemma: can one really change the world? Or to put it another way: who's problems can be solved, mine or the world's?

It does seem like in order to go along that path, you can never really relax. You should always be thinking of the next issue, you should be too busy protesting to hang out. In all honesty, it can easily be a full time job. I spend a fair chunk of time just trying to stay on top of what's going on in the world, then I have to invest more time into trying to do something about it. That's the depressing part of all this. I could go out tomorrow and eradicate HIV, but there would still be a million other problems plaguing the world. There are so many horrible things occurring at this very second it seems like there is no point. Why bother trying to make a difference when you have all these things going on in your life?

I need to stress again that it doesn't have to hijack your existence. The outlook itself will do wonders, especially if you do your best to exemplify it. Yes, you will be inconvenienced, you will spend more money buying locally grown organic produce (that doesn't mean Planet Organic), no matter how much respect you treat those who disagree with you some will not give that back and that will depress you. All that has happened to me, and more. I spend a lot of my time thinking about problems and trying to help solve them. I belong to several organizations and donate time to some of them. But I still have a life, I still have friends and go on dates (well, not many of those--that's another issue though). Yes, I don't sit on the couch and watch tv or play video games all evening, but that's not something I miss. I do what I do because it's important and it does not come at a sacrifice to who I am.

We will not reach a utopia, ever. Simple as that. More than likely for a long time we will be in a society that necessitates a significant portion of the population to live badly. More than likely blind loyalty will still be masked as a virtue and many people will die for no good reason. Barack Obama, in his excellent speech on race relations, touched on this. He said he realized that one presidential term will not do away with racism, but it doesn't mean one shouldn't try. He said that his nation will never be perfect, but it can be perfected. That's true about the whole world. I know that I'm not able to tear down society and start all over again. I can push it in a good direction though--inch towards not a better future, but a better now.

The power of the individual is what matters, people getting together and deciding they've had enough have caused more drastic change than all the governments in history. We need to realize that we can make a difference, even just for one person. Need an example? Go to Free Rice, a simple vocabulary game that through sponsorship of advertisers donates rice to the UN world food program. Play that for 5 or 10 minutes and someone can eat for a day because of you. You are literally saving people from starving to death. There, that's change. Next time you discuss politics try and get to the heart of real issues, treat everyone with respect and genuinely present your views. Bit by bit a few people will start to care.

We don't need a few people ignoring their lives to sit and worry about the future, making grand statements about how things will be better. We need everyone to do at least a bit to make things better for everyone right now. Don't listen to people pointing at the sunset, listen to those pointing at the ground. Work towards now, helping those in need and challenging apathy. Make it part of your life and you won't have to give up anything for it. If you do that, keep the small victories in mind and help things inch along, more good than you can imagine will happen.

i'm chalking that last one up to april fool's

2008-04-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

The 50's/50s issue keeps popping up in the course of my daily life. I keep going around in circles with it, all the while telling myself it actually couldn't matter any less. I in fact just deleted a long, extremely nerdy paragraph about the place syntax has in language. Writing it helped me decide that the possessive is a rhetorical device referencing the non-possessive 'occurrence' meaning, so while they're not completley equivalent, neither trumps the other.

That was the interesting version. Be glad I try to curb myself.

I actually want to talk about this article. That's right, Net Neutrality has come to Canada in a very bad way. Bell and Roger's (especially Bell) are now choke holding certain venues on the internet by controlling the transfer rates and access. This is partly due to Bell and Roger's having terrible infrastructure that can't handle the kind of exponentially increasing demands in terms of data transfer. Even with that in mind, since it's peer to peer transfer that is the issue, most notably Bittorrent, it looks mightily like these companies are just trying to muscle out competition. Bittorrent has many free (and legal) video downloads--CBC has even put a few television programs on it. This competes with Bell and Roger's video download programs, which you have to pay money for.

Net Neutrality is the idea that the user should have control over what they do on the internet and the provider should not be able to manipulate transfer rates or access. For more info go here. This is a ridiculously important issue, as the internet is the best tool for citizenship involvement in terms of activism, DIY, or just general information. That only works when it's completley open. There is a reason it's so heavily controlled in a place like China, where google and yahoo provide search records to the government. The internet is incredibly powerful, but not if someone with political or profit-minded interests is determining what or how we see on the internet.

Now, some of the more tech-savvy of you might object, saying that p2p (notice the hip lingo--that one was for you, tech-savvy people) is primarily a means for people to exchange pirated music or films. That's true, but it certainly doesn't have to be that way. There are many legitimate uses for p2p that are finding a greater audience. I don't pirate, myself. The way I see it, most of the bands I listen to have day jobs and are simply doing it for the love of the art. Me buying the album helps them go on tour or make rent. And to quote the immortal Henry Rollins:
"[The major labels] can't get it through their thick, greedy heads that they've been overcharging people for music for so many years and have been cranking out so many alarmingly mediocre, tepid records where the only song you want is the one you saw the video of that looks somewhat interesting--the rest of the album is eeegh--so why would you want to pay 22.50$ in a strip mall for a J.Lo record? That's crime!"

Of course when he actually said it, there was more swearing and shouting. Point is, if you are only listening to music you don't want to pay for, find something you would. Where can you find music like that? The internet! See how I'm bringing it full circle? That's real blogging. Yeah. Or luck, whatever.

Search around at all the podcasts and bands releasing some music for free. Seriously, google "independent [your favourite genre]". You will find free samples of music within five minutes.

even without the irony, 50's slang is awesome

2008-03-31T01:14:00.000-07:00

So a few people have taken my advice on 43 things, which is kind of weird because I just kind of assumed no one actually listened to me.

Also, discounted easter candy is the bees knees. I'm trademarking hollow chocolate bunnies for 2 dollars as the best thing ever.

This was a surprisingly effective tactic for wasting 10 minutes (five to write, five to decide whether "50's slang" needs an apostrophe. I've decided it means slang of the 50s as opposed to slang from the 50s) in my constant quest of procrastination. I promise I'll have something significant to say in the coming week. Maybe.

apologies for the overused ted stevens joke

2008-03-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

So there has been a fair amount of talk about using these blogs for some accountability for oneself. If I post what I intend to do or what I stand for through these tubes, then I'm more likely to probably more likely to stick with it. Part of it is probably peer pressure, but the more important aspect is that until you write something down it can sometimes be unclear in your mind. If you don't know what you actually want, there you aren't going do actually do anything about it. Now, I've found that my blog has become more a venue for me to organize my thoughts and causes (extremely valuable in itself), and it hasn't done much to hold me accountable in certain areas.

I've found a website, 43 Things, which fits the bill perfectly. It's quite simple, you create an account and post up to 43 goals. You can set time limits, have mini-blogs for each goal, and encourage others. That's pretty much it. But after starting an account today, I've discovered what an amazing thing it is to sit down and write out all your goals. Now, 43 are quite a few, I'm at 35 or so myself, which forces you to be specific. For instance, travel is quite high on my list, but instead of the vague 'travel the world', I have seven separate goals for regions I'm going to travel around, as well as a few cities I intend to live in.

This has made me realize how important tangible goals are. "Travel the world" will never be ticked off, but "travel through central/south america: at least 5 countries" can. Writing it this way makes it real, and very achievable. Notice how I said 'going to travel' and 'intend to live in'? Before I would've said 'want', but now I've written it down and in doing so firmly deciding it's something I want to do. Plus, trying to think up 43 goals leads to ones I never would've thought of. One of mine is seeing a small show in 10 different countries, which I love, but never would've considered doing if I didn't have a long muse on my goals.

I've long planned and dreamed about what I'm going to do after I graduate. I've gotten more specific, and my plans have changed once or twice, but it always has remained a fantasy. But now it's only 13 months away, and it feels good to write down what I want to do, because it moves from a goal to a plan. I know I recommend many things, but this simple idea is an incredible tool for personal development. Even if you don't get an account, still sit down and write down as many goals as you can, long and short term. Be specific, and also make up new ones. Some people recommend rewards for yourself (such as "if I write that report tonight I'll have a huge bowl of ice cream") but I think the best course is just to take pleasure in the accomplishment and the experience itself.

So I almost copped out and didn't give my username. I mean, I am doing this for me, not for external validation, but I know of at least one person who would've nagged me for it. So: grahamr21.